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A GREAT SUCCESS 



A. COMEI3Y. 



IN THREE ACTS. 



By WILLIAM WINKLE, Esq. 



lUQEIHER WITH 



A description of the Costumes— Synopsis of the Piece— Cast ot the Characters 
and Exits- Relative Positions of the Performers op 
the Stage, and the whole of the Stage Business 




DE WITT, PXTBLISHER, 

Ho, 33 Jtoae Street. 




. COMPLETE DESCRIPTIVE CATALOGUE OF DE WIH'S ACTINB 

NOW \ PLAYS, ANu DE WITT'S ETHIOPIAN AND COMIC DRAMAS, containing 
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DE WITT'S ACTING PLAYS. 



^^ Please notice that nearly all the Comedies, Farces and Comediettas in the following 
HstefDE Witt's /ctino Plays" are very srMablefor representation in small Amateur Thsa' 
trcg and on Parlor Stages, as they need but little extrinsic aid from complicated scenery or 
expensive costumes. They have attained their deserved popularity by their droU situations^ 
excellent plots, great humor and brilliant dialogues, no less than by the fact that they are the 
most perfect in every respect of any edition of plays ever published either in the United States 
or Europe, wheOher as regards purit^y of the text, accuracy and fulness of stage directions and 
scenery, or elegance of typography and clearness of printing. 

*^* In ordering please copy the figures at the comynev^ement of each piece, which indicate 
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f^° Any of the following if lays sent, ;postage free, on receipt of price — 15 
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J^" The figure following the name of the Play denotes the number of 
Acts. The figures in the columns indicate the number of characters — \i.male; 
F. female. 



40. 
89. 
192. 



No. M. F. 

75. Adrienne, drama, 3 acts 7 3 

114. Anything for a Change,' comedy, 13 3 

167. Apple Blossoms, comedy, 3 acts. . . 7 3 

93. Area Belle (The), farce, 1 act 3 2 

Atchi, comedietta, 1 act 3 2 

Aunt Charlotte's Maid, farce, 1 act.. 3 3 

Game of Cards (A), comedietta, 13 1 

Bardell vs. Pickwick, sketch, 1 act. 6 2 

41. Beautiful Forever, farce, 1 act 2 3 

141. Bells (The), drama, 3 acts 9 3 

67. Birthplace of Podgers,. farce, 1 act. . 7 3 
86. Black Sheep, drama, 3 acts 7 5 

160. Blow for Blow, drama, 4 acts 11 6 

70. Bonnie Fish Wife, farce, 1 act 3 1 

179. Breach of Promise,, drama, 2 acts. . 5 2 

25. Broken-Hearted Club, comedietta, 14 8 

24. Cabman, No. 93, farce, 1 act 2 2 

1. Caste, comedy, 3 acts 5 3 

69. Cau2;ht by the Cuflf, farce, 1 act 4 1 

175. Cast upon the World, drama, 5 acts. 10 5 
55. Catharine Howard, historical play, 

^ 3 acts 12 5 

80. Charming pair, farce, 1 act. : 4 3 

65. Checkmate, comedy, 2 acta 6 5 

68. Chevalier de St. George, drama, 3 9 3 

76. Chops of the Channel, farce, 1 act. 3 2 

149. Clouds, comedy, 4 acts 8 7 

121. Comical Countess, farce, 1 act 3 1 

107. Cupboard Love, farce, 1 act 2 1 

152. Cupid's Eye-Glass, comedy, 1 act... 1 1 

52. Cup of Tea, comedietta, 1 act 3 1 

148. Cut off with a Shilling, comedietta, 

J act 2 1 

CyriU's' Success, comedy, 5 acts — 10 4 
Captain of the Watch (The), come- 
dietta, 1 act 4 2 

Daddy Gray, drama, 3 acts 8 4 

Dandelion's Dodges, farce, 1 act 4 2 

David Gar lick, comedy, 3 acts 8 3 

Dearest Mamma, comedietta, 1 act, 4 3 

Dearer than Life, drama, 3 acts 6 5 

Deborah (Leah) drama, 3 acts 7 6 

125, Deerfoot, farce, 1 act ,5 1 

7L Doing for the Best, drama, 2 acts. . 5 3 

143. Dollars and Centn. comedy, 3 acts. . 9 4 



113. 



30. 
4. 
22. 
96. 
16. 
58. 



No. 
21. Dreams, drama, 5 acts 6 

186. DuchessdelaValliere, play, 5acts.. 6 

47. Easy Shaving, farce, 1 act 5 

13). Everybody's Friend, comedy, 3 acts. 6 

200. Estranged, an operetta, 1 act 2 

103. Faust and Marguerite, drama, 3 acts, 9 
9. Fearful Tragedy in the Seven Dials, 

interlude, 1 act 4 

Female Detective, drama, 3 acts.... 11 



M. P. 
6 3 



Fernande, drama, 3 acts 11 10 



Fifth Wheel, comedy, 3 acts 10 2 

First Love, comedy, 1 act 4 1 

Foiled, drama, 4 acts r. . 9 3 

Founded on Facts, farce, 1 act.. ,,42 

74. Garrick Fever, farce, 1 act 7 4 

53. Gertrude's Money Box, farce, 1 act. 4 2 
73. Golden Fetter (Fettered), drama, 3114 

30. Goose with the Golden Eggs, farce, ' 

1 act 5 3 

131. Go to Putney, farce, 1 act 4 3 

28. Happy Pair, comedietta, 1 act 1 1 

151. Hard Case (A), farce, 1 act 2 

8. Henry Dunbar, drama, 4 acts 10 3 

180. Henry the Fifth, historical play, 5 38 5 

19. He's a Lunatic, farce, 1 act 3 2 

60. Hidden Hand, drama, 4 acts 5 5 

187. His Own Enemy, farce, 1 act 4 1 

174, Home, comedy, 3 acts 4 3 

64. Household Fairy, sketch, 1 act 1 1 

190. Hunting the Slipper, farce, 1 act 4 1 

191. High C, comedietta, 1 act 4 2 

197. Hunchback (The), play, 5 acts 14 2 

18. If I Had a Thousand a Year, farce, 

1 act i\ 4 3 

116. I'm Not Mesilf at All, original Irish 

stew, 1 act 3 2 

129. In for a Holiday, farce, 1 act 2 3 

159. In the Wroiie House, farce, 1 act. . . 4 S 

122. Isabella OrsiTii, drama, 4 acts 11 4 

177. I Sha'l Invite the Major, comedy, 14 1 

100. Jack Long, drama, 2 acts 9 2 

139. Joy is Dangerous, comedy, 2 acts. . . 3 3 
17. Kind to a Fault, comedy, 2 acts. . ..64 

86. Lady of Lyons, play, 5 acts .12 5 

72. Lame Excuse, farce, 1 act 4 S 



^^ SPECIAL iTOTICE.— This play is copyrighted by the author. Tliose 
wishing to produce it should address Wm. Winkle, care of De Witt, Publisher, 
No. 33 Rose Street, New York. 



A GREAT SUCCESS 

A COMEDY, 

IN THREE ACTS. 



By WILLIAM WINKLE, Esq. 



TOGETHER WITH 

A DESCRIPTION OF THE COSTUMES— CAST OF THE CHARACTERS — EN- 
TRANCES AND EXITS — RELATIVE POSITIONS OP THE PERFORM- 
ERS ON THE STAGE, AND THE WHOLE OF THE STAGE 
BUSINESS. 



5 



AUTHOR'S EDITION. 



ALL ACTING RIGHTS RESERVED. 



^§?A,i^V«*%^ 



NEW YORK : 

DE WITT, PUBLISHER, 

No. 33 Rose Street. 
Copyright, 1882, by A. T. B. Dk Witt. 



A GREAT SUCCESS. 

CAST OF CHARACTERS. 



v^< 



Mr. Codling. Tibbs, \ h^ \ 



Alphonso, Watchman 



General Dasher, ' Twaddle, 



V 



Beach, Timothy, 

Fruit Venders, Ne-wsboys, Railway Passengers, etc, 
Mrs. Codling, Miss Hartly, 

Letitia, Phillis. 

Mrs. Bangs. 



SCEISTERY. 

Village near the City of New York. Period, 1SG5. 

Act I.— Exterior of modern country summer house. In foreground lawn with 
•walks, extravagantly embellished with rustic seats, flowers and statuaiy. 

Act II.— Spacious apartment, richly furnished, everything in gaudy colors — 
walls hung with pictures, bigque ornaments, tables with books. 

Act III.— Scene 1.— Large hall through house, furnished with sofas and chairs; 
•walls hung with pictures. 

Scene 2,— Railroad Scene.— In background Railroad station building; railing 
in front ; Watchman at gate ; people passing to and fro. Just before Twaddle 
enters engine and cars pass across stage in rear of station building. 



COSTUMES, &c. 

Dasher.— Black side whiskers ; undress military coat and pants, white vest, 
Derby hat, large watch chain. 

Codling.— Head bald on top. gray wig. First entrance, common suit, after, 
black suit, badly fitting. 

Beach.— Clack mustache ; tweed business suit, no jewels. 

TiBBS.— Light wig and mustache ; light suit, extreme of fashion, profuse jew- 
clvy, button-holo bouquet ; last scene, change. 

Alphoxso. — Clothes in imitation of Tides, differing in not being so good a fit, 
and somewhat gaj-er. 

Twaddlk.— Red wig, scraggy red whiskers ; black suit, bag with papers. 

Tim.— Red hair, no whiskers ; black dress coat, drab pants, white vest, all badly 
fitting. 

Watchman.— PoSco suit, white gloves. 

Mrs. Codling.— Satin dress, highly ornamented, profuse jewels. Change in 
last act to showy travelling dress. 

Letitia.— First dress, white, adorned with flowers; second dress, garnet satin, 
profusely ornamented ; third dress, plain travelling suit. 

Miss Hartly.— First dress, plain travelling suit ; second dress, rich velvet cos- 
tume; third dress, white brocaded satin. Ko jewels. 

Mrs. Bancs.— Short black dress, red bonnet, and otherwise dressed out of taste. 

Phillis.— Yellow and green, and odd mixtures throughout. For scene at sta- 
tion, same as Slisa Hartly in first act. 



PROPERTIES. 



Bag with law papers for Twaddle ; paper money for Codling ; ditto, ditto 
for Beach; gun for Timothy; feather duster for Phillis; fruit in baskets lor 
venders; papers for newsboys ; silver for General. 



TMP92-009162 



A GREAT SUCCESS. 



SYNOPSIS. 

Mrs. Codling enters, calling Codling, who has had previous warning to pre- 
pare for companj-. Timothy an.swers her call, and after a tilt Avlth Mrs. C. 
applies his blarney and departs in quest of Codling, who soon after enters, 
but does not adopt BIrs. C. "s ideas about personal appearances. Some uupleas- 
n,nt reminders of the past are brought out as Letitia enters to relate the tragic 
esit of tlie hero iu the last romance. After Let. retires, the subject uppei'most 
in Mrs. C.'s thoughts is broached— the marriage of her son and daughter— on 
whose actx^mplishments she dehghts to dwell ; and as C. disputes their merits, 
Mrs. C. is inclined to lose her temper, Avhen Alphoxso enters v.'ith the uews 
that he has captured a lion (General Dasher). Mrs. C. is in ecstacies over the 
possession of a real general in the house, and at once thinks of her daughter's 
prospects. Dasher enters, with a fair knowledge of the household (gleaned 
from Alphonso on the way), and from the outset addresses them according to 
the ruling propensities of each. (Jodling, who by hard knocks has accumulated 
a fortune, would bring his natural shrewdness into play in trading with his fel- 
lows, but is disarmed by the apparent frankness and high character of his guest. 
Letitia re-enters, and is attacked, in her weakness, at once hy Dasher, who 
by this time has won the entire Codling family. Feeling that the daughter and 
her money can be captured, he resolves to throw his deserted wife (Mrs. Bangs) 
entirely off her guard by getting Tibbs to publish the death of •himself (Bangs). 
Beach, in obedience to his father's wish, calls on the Codlings, and though 
attached to Miss PIartly is desirous of seeing Letitia. Dasher discovers 
his business and frightens him away with a concocted account of Letitia's 
deformities. Beach, in endeavoring to steal off unseen, is discovered by the 
servant (Tim.), and brought in as a prisoner to the company, where Miss Hart- 
LY has just arrived to pay a visit to her guardian (Codling). C. is rejoiced at 
meeting Beach (his old friend's son), and offers him his daughter's hand; but 
B., v.'ith Dasher's voice fresh in his ear, is about to reject her; he discovers 
his error, however, and is leading her off, when he is surprised at seeing Miss 
llARTLY. The advent of Beach and Miss Hartly has altered the arrange- 
• ments of the Codlings, and causes the worthy couple to pull in different direc- 
tions. Dasher sees now inviting attractions in Miss Hartly after learning 
her wealth from Twaddle, who mistakes him for Codling. Miss H. plays 
with Dasher, and rouses B.'s jealousy, who forces a quarrel with her, and 
both resolve to leave the Codling mansion. Dasher is jubilant over the pros- 
pects of v.inning l\Iiss II., when his deserted wife (Mrs. Bangs) makes her 
appearance, claiming the insurance on her husband from Codling, %yho is an 
insurance officer. This unexpected dilemma upsets Dasher's plans, and he 
suddenly resolves to absent himself; but believing, from his corrupt heart, 
that he can in:luence Miss II. to his desires, he writes from the station, m-ging 
her to elope v/ith him. In the meantime Miss H. and B. have settled their 
lover's quarrel, and they resolve to punish Dasher by bringing hixh into ridi- 
cule. To this end they attire Phillis in Miss II. 's garments ; place her, with 
proper instructions, in Tiii's char^re, and send her to meet Dasher, who is 
waiting at the station . To make his exposure more thorough, it is arranged to 
have all the characters present at the station, and this becomes less difficult as 
Tibbs and Letitia have eloped, and all, from various motives, start in pursuit. 
The mask being torn from Dasher, and his efforts to deceive thwarted, he re- 
solves to amend his life and make it yet "A Great Success." 



TIME IN PLAYING— TWO HOURS AND A HALF. 



A GEEAT SUCCESS. 



ACT I. 

SCENE. — Garden in front of Codling's residence. 
Enter Mrs. Codling /rom Jiouse. 

Mrs. C. ipeitisldy). Now tliat every moment is so precious — {calh^ 
Codling, Mr. Codling, oli, Mr. Codling ! Well, -well, was ever wo- 
man treated so before ? 'Twould worry a saint, let alone a — {mils) 
Codling ! My breath is gone. He knows I want liim, but remains 
away to aggravate me. I am an abused woman. His man is no 
better— follows the master's example, {ccdls) Timothy, Timothy ! my 
lungs ! oh, Tim-o-thy ! 

TiM. (without). Comin', ma'am, comin'. 

Mrs. C. The rascal, I'll show him ^> 

Unicr Tim. 

Mrs. C. How is it you are never at hand when wanted ? 

Tim. Is it me, ma'am ? Sure I came as fasht as me legs would 
carry me. 

Mrs. C. You are quick enough when inclined, but you are grow- 
ing careless, and lately you have fallen into the habit of carousing all 
night and sleeping through the day, like a wildcat. 

Tim. Begor, ma'am, to say the laste, you surprise me, that does 
be watchin' the premises here every night till me eyelids weigh more 
than the rest of me body. 

Mrs. C. You may blind my husband in tliis way, but I cannot be 
imposed on so easily. In future learn your duties from me. 

Tim. Faith, ma'am, it's a pleasure to learn anything from a lady, 
and in particular from such a one. (aside) Blarney's chape. 

Mrs.'C. (aside). He has some good qualities, (aloud) Find ?.Ir. 
Codling and send him to me at once. 

Tim. Misther Codling, is it ? 

Mrs. C. I spoke plainly — Mr. Codling ! Go ! 

Tim. Did ye forget, ma'am, that ftiere was two in the house ? — 
which d'ye want ? 

Mrs. C. My husband, you blockhead ! Alphonso's not at home. 

Tim. All right ; he'll be here in the. twinkling of an eye. (aside) 
She can't get ahead of Tim Doody. [Exit Tim. 

Mrs. C. This Irishman plays Ms jokes on me with as much assur- 
ance as if I were his Bridget. Codling spoils every servant that 



A GREAT SUCCESS. 5 

comes into the house, but I'll soon put an end to it ; I'll manage the 
husinftss in future, {walks about as if reflecting') I have been too easy 
with Colding, and the consequence is, he begins to despise the au- 
thority of which he once stood in awe. 

Enter Codling, hurriedly. 

Cod. Whew ! what's the matter ? 

Mrs. C. The matter indeed ! Hear me, Mr. Codling. 

Cod. Some terrible calamitj^ I suppose — the cat jumped on the 
dressing case, scattered the powder, overturned your paint-pot, 
and 

Mrs. C. You want to break my heart. 

Cod. I have a faint recollection of hearing that remark before. 

Mrs. C. Mr. Codling, I will not be mocked. I have some rights, 
though a woman ; and some spirit left, though your wife. 

Cod. Be calm, I beg, and you shall have, not only your rights, 
but mine also. 

Mrs. C. I'm no child, to be imposed on by words. 

Cod. You may cast my vote at the next election, and sit in the 
board of directors of the "Eternal Salvation Insurance Company." 
When we walk out you shall have the post of honor ; when we drive 
you shall hold the reins. And now what is the business ? you sent 
for me. 

Mrs. C. Is this a way to prepare for company ? A common carter 
Would pay more attention to his dress. 

Cod. You should know by this time that frippery has no attrac- 
tion for me. 

Mrs. C. The position we occupy 

Cod. Hang it, madam, don't talk to me about j)osition, who began 
life crying •* Oysters, ho ! " and am proud of it. 

Mrs. C. But remember, sir, one of us had a different origin. 

Cod. If my memory serves me right, I sold the oysters and you 
cooked them. 

Mrs. C. As you respect neither me nor yourself, have some con- 
sideration for your children, those cherubs, the envy of all our 
friends. 

Cod. Yes, the girl is transformed into an animated toy, fit only 
for a lounge or a looking-glass. 

Mrs. C. She's acknowledged to have no superior in music, draw- 
ing, painting 

Cod. Her face 

Mrs. C. Pancing, reading — ■■ 

Cod. Trash 1 

Enter Letitia, languidly, from house. 

Letitia. Oh, ma, Demetrius is dead ! 

Cod. Who's dead? 

Let. But Phalarius has sworn to avenge him and protect his 
bride. 

Cod. What nonsense is this ? 

Mrs. C. Characters in the new novel. 

Let. Oh, it's too pitiful. [Exit Letitia into house. 

Mrs. C, Poor sympathetic child, she would not tread upon a 
mouse! ^ ^ ^ 



6 A GREAT SUCCESS. 

' Cod. dood gracious ! what is llie rising generation coming to ? 

Mrs. C. Don't trouble yourself about that, but remember we're 
expecting Miss Hartly this evening ; Alphonso has gone to the sta- 
tion to meet her. 

Cod. And if there's a probability of a blunder he'll be sure to fall 
in with it. 

Mrs. C. On one thing I am resolved— Miss Hartly shall never 
leave here except as the wife of our son. 

Cod. How has she offended that you should contemplate so terri- 
ble a punishment ? 

Mrs. C. Are you mad ? 

Cod. Graft a booby on her *for life, who never rises above child- 
ishness, except in the practice of vice ! 

Mrs. C. Your own son ! 

Cod. An apt scholar in trifles, but in useful knowledge as destitute 
as a woman of charity for her sex. 

Mrs. C. He knows enough ; too much learning's not the thing. 
There is Professor Knowall, who dined with us ; "he sat as mute at 
the table as one of the chairs ! 

Cod. He knew his company — pearls before siHne. 

Mrs. C. On the contrary, look at Colonel Stubbins. who told me 
confidentially that he never read a book through in his life, and see 
what a noise he makes in Congress I 

Cod. So Alphonso would make a Congressman ? 

Mrs. C. He knows enough for that, and v/ith Miss Hartly's mo- 
ney and his father's he could cut a figure in the world that would 
drive the Browns and the Joneses almost frantic. 

Cod. As you are in the match-making vein, what think you of a 
husband for Letitia ? I have a letter from our old friend Beach, stat- 
ing that his son Walter shall'soon pay us a visit. In a postscript he 
hopes that our daughter and his son may mutually attract each other 
to that point where matrimony becomes iuevitable. 

Mrs. C. Mr. Beach is very much mistaken if he thinks my daugh- 
ter aspires no higher. 

Cod. It's something to get an honest man. 

Snter Alphonso, liurriedly. 

Mrs. C. Where is Miss Hartly ? 

Alph, The train missed connection at Guntown, so Miss Hartly 
has been delayed some hours. But, mother, I did not come alone — 
I brought a substitute. 

Mrs. C. a what ? 

Cod. As I expected — a blunder. 

Alph. A regular stunner ! 

Mrs. C. a woman ? 

Alph. A woman 1 No, a smasher ! Lord, isn't he loud though I 

Mrs. C. What do you mean ? 

Alph. That I met one of the most celebrated men in the country 
at the station, and that he is now in this house. 

Mrs. C. Mercy, Alphonso ! who can it be ? 

Cod. An escaped lunatic, I expect. 

Alph. Guess. You can't. What a trump for Let V Give it up ? 

Cod. Come, sir, none of your riddles. 

Alph. Prepare ! Once, twice — now then 1 

Mrs. 0. Don't keep me in suspense 



A GREAT SUCCESS. 7 

« 

Alph. General Dasher t 
Mrs. C . General Dasher ! 
Cod. Who is he ? 
Alpii. That's a queer question. 
Mrs. C. Like your father. The name's enough. 
Alph, He knows all about father — came especially to see him. 
Cop. Me 1 

Mrs. C. a general in the house ! Tell your sister immediately. 
Rouse up the servants— put everything in order. 

Enter General DxIsher. 

Alph. General Dasher, my parents. 

General. Madam— sir— I am delighted to meet you. I was about 
inquiring for your residence at the station, when a lucky remark 
from a gentleman at my elbow discovered the presence of your son. 

Mrs. C. {icith flourish). You are welcome, General. We are re- 
joiced to make j'our acquaintance, and with the sincerest pleasure 
we tender you the hospitalities of our rural home. You must be 
fatigued from your journey ; perhaps a few moments' rest— Alphon- 
so, show the General 

General, Madam, I thank you, but I feel already refreshed by 
the lively and natural appearance of everything about this charming 
villa, 

Mrs. C. Yf e ivj to enjoy life. 

General. Exactly, by surrounding yourselves with every com- 
fort that a cultivated taste can suggest. 

Mrs. C. {aside). What a delightful talker ! 

General {aside). The old lady's weak point— vanity. 

Mrs. C. You came directly from the city ? 

General. Yes, I was anxious to consult Mr. Codling on impor- 
tant matters of business. 

Mrs. C. Consult Mr. Codling ! Mr. Codling, I assure you 

General. I see— has no secrets from you — felicity born of mutual 
confidence — hymeneal blessings ! life's greatest joy ! 

Cod. {aside). An evident want of experience in that line. 

Mrs. C. You'll excuse me, but a woman's curiosity, you know — • 

General. Should always be gratified, 

Mrs. C. Your are — married ? 

General. A mere bachelor — a roamer. I have lacked the cour- 
age to penetrate the vale of roses, where connubial bliss sits en- 
throned. 

Mrs. C. Your remarks — ha, ha ! — remind me of my visit to Paris. 

Cod. {aside). Good gracious ! that visit to Paris again. 

Mrs. C. The Marquis La Boyteaux 

Cod, {aside). Be hanged. 

Mrs. C. One of the great men of France 

Cod. {aside). This must be stopped. 

Mrs. C. In a conversation with me 

Cod, {advancing to General). After your railroad jaunt a little 
repose may be welcome. 

Mrs. C, {getting in front o/Cod.). As I was about to relate 

Cod. I know how this kind of travel exhausts 

Mrs. C. {looking with anger on Cod., adoancing in front of him and 
talking very loud). This celebrated Frenchman favored a law 



8 ^_ A GREAT SUCCESS. 

Cob, {to GenerA-L). Because among strangers you must not hesitate 
to take comforts. 

Mrs. C {aside) My best story is spoiled. 

General {to Cod.). Such a journey is but a recreation to one who 
has spent a good part of his Jife on the battlefield, when a moment's 
rest was snatched, as I may say, from the jaws of death ! 

Cod. {aside to Mrs. C). Keep the marquis for another occasion. 

Mrs. C. {to him). I'll show you, {to General) I said the Marquis 
La Boyteaux favored a law 

General. You certainly said so, madam. 

Mrs. C. Making matrimony compulsory after a certain age. 

Cod. {aside). Carried her point ! 

General. Madam, I approve the doctrine. No longer ago than 
yesterday I had a warm discussion with Governor Muddle on that 
very subject. By the way, Mr. Codling, I was imparting to him my 
scheme for tunnelling the Rocky Mountains, when his Excellency, 
the Secretary of State, introduced your name as one who is always 
anxious to aid in the advancement of useful enterprises, Ned dwelt 
warmly on your generous disposition. 

Cod. Ned? 

General. I mean the Secretary. We are so intimate I rarely call 
him by any other name. It's Ned and Jack with us behind the 
scenes. In public, of course, it's Honorable Edward and General 
Dasher. 

Cod. I was not aware that the Secretary knew me ? 

General. My dear sir, you must not imagine, because you indulge 
your modesty in seclusion, .you are therefore unknown. The 
eminent gentlemen, who form the Cabinet at present, confer honor 
on their exalted positions, by making it a part of their duty to seek 
out merit in retired places, and enhst it in the service of their 
country. 

Mrs. C. {aside to Cod.). Now what do you think of Alphonso's 
hliinderf 

General {aside). The prospect's bright. 

Cod. So you think of tunnelling the Rocky Mountains ? 

General. Think ! Lord bless you, sir, the stock is subscribed, 
the survey is made, and at this moment {looks at his icatcli) the sound 
of ten thousand hammers and sledges echoes through the hills and 
valleys of the Pacific slope ! 

Cod. Wonderful ! 

General, And the most wonderful thing about it is, that no one 
has anticipated me in this propitious undertaking. 

Mrs. C. {to Alph.). Hear him and learn to talk. 

General, The laurels won on the battlefield or in the legislative 
halls of the nation, sink into insignificance when compared with the 
glory attending the successful completion of this magnificent enter- 
prise ! Not to speak of the money 

Cod. Yes, yes — the money — the glory 

Mrs, C, I hope your visit will be a long one. 

General, Busy men, madam, are unfortunate with respect to 
time — 'tis not their own — work presses — life's short — trite maxims, 
but true. (Mrs. C. and Alph talk apart.) 

Cod. Your description of this tunnel excites my curiosity, it is far 
beyond everything attempted in this way before. 

General. It was reserved for American genius and energy to 

We have new inventions 



A GREAT SUCCESS. »• 

and old ones newly applied, which if known, would astonish the 
world ; at present they are secrets to all but the initiated ! 

Cod. The initiated ? 

General. The men who supply the money and the brains. To 
give j'-ou an idea of what's contemplated— in confidence remember. 

Cod. Of course. 

General. We are constructing pneumatic tubes parallel with the 
road-bed of the tunnel, through which, if a man be in a hurr}^, he 
may travel at the electric speed of twenty miles a minute ! 

Cod. Twenty miles a minute ! impossible. 

General. That word should be dropped from our lexicons— a 
few more years of progress, and there will be no need of it. Consider 
— breakfast on the Atlantic , dine on the Pacific, and return for the 
night to your hotel in New York. 

Cod. But can this be done ? 

General. Undoubtedly. 

Cod. Then 'twill be apt to pay as an investment ? 

General (aside). I have you there. Ha, ha ! that's good, r/jif. 
Why, sir, 'twill be an Eldorado, undreamed of heretofore. A word 
in your ear, the stock's already at a premium — there's none on the 
market. 

Cod. What — none ? (Alph. enters house.) 

General. Not a dollar. It has been the company's aim from the 
start to have solid men only interested. From what Ned — I mean 
the Secretary — said of you, I made up my mind to slap your name 
down for fifty shares of my own. 

Cod. But the premium ? 

General. Not a word on that score, if you please. When I take 
a fancy for a man, allow me to indulge my feelings. It's a pleasure, 
a kind of — in fact a gratification of the higher sort, to confer bounties 
on those we like. Men who have favors to bestow are often the 
dupes of their own conceit, and mistake flattery for friendship. But, 
sir, in you I see an honest man, endowed with a sterling heart. 
{hea rtiiy shaking h is h and. ) 

Cod. Such generosity in business 

General. Is what I beg you to forget. 

Enter Alphonso and Letitia. 

Mrs. C. My dears. 
■Let. Don't Alphonso — you're so rough. 

Mrs. C. General, my daughter — young — but— — 

General. Beautiful — in harmony with all the surroundings. 

Mrs. C. She studies so hard, I fear for her health. 

General {aside). On the romantic. (Mrs. C. draics off Cod. and 
Alph., leaving General and Let. in front.) 

General. Our dreams of Paradise are realized in this delightful 
prospect. 

Let. (aside). What a melodious voice ! 

General. But the scene is so familiar to you, that pos.^ibly its 
beauties are unnoticed . I confess myself enchanted with this elegant 
blending of nature and art, where the qualities of either appear 
heightened in the charms of both. 

Let. You are an admirer of the beautiful in nature ? 

General. I adore it — when animated. 

Let , And fond of poetry ? 



10 A GREAT SUCCESS. 

General. I could live on it. 

Let. Plow strange — congenial tastes ! 

General (aside). " Two souls with Ijut a single thought," I once 
courted the muse. 

Let. Indeed ! 

General, Oh, yes ! (aside) Wrote verses for a candy-man. 

Let. It's foolish perhaps, but I often amuse myself by judging of 
people's character from the poets they read. 

General. I'll puzzle you then, (aside.) 

Let. You like — for instance 

General. I am a very glutton. Miss Codling, — swallow all from 
Shakespeare to my friend Tommy Dimple. 

Let. Tommy Dimple ? 

General. Author of that deep and touching poem, which opens 
with— 

' ' Oh thou pale moon, whose translucent waves 
Still the loud beatings of the troubled heart, 
Look down with pity on tbis trembling maid." 

Let. Charming — a new poet ? 

General (aside). Born this instant. Quite new,, and a rare 
genius. 

Let. In my ignorance, I should have thought a soldier incapable 
of poetic sympathies. 

General. What monsters you would make of us ! 

Let. Pardon me. I mean, you would delight in reading the lives 
of great men only — such as the Black Prince, Amadis de Gaul, 
The Three Guardsmen — and—and — and, so on. 

General (aside). What learning ! Naturally such would be } :mr 
opinion, but in our day deeds of extraordinary valor have been so 
common that the glorious achievements of the past no longer dazzle 
us, ajid for something to outstrip our own actions where shall we go ? 
to our Byrons and Tommy Dimples. 

Mrs. C. (advancing). Letitia, my dear, show the General through 
the grounds. 

Let. Why, ma, what is there to look at ? 

General. After what I have seen, you cannot surprise me. 

Mrs. C, There is the arbor, the labyrinth, the tish-pond, the 

Cod. Many things to be proud of, particularly as we are indebted 
to our own industry for every brick and shrub. 

Mrs. C. Though at one time our family were people of note 

Cod. Damme, if I remember such a time. And with all your 
anxiety to make it appear otherwise, your own hand contributed 

Mrs. C. (annoyed). Come, General — come, children, while your 

Enter Timothy. 

father enjoys the company of his servant. 

General (aside). Cutting. 

\_Exeunt'K-RB. C, Let., Alph. «7;f7 General. 

Cod. My wife's vanity spoils the honest pride which we should 
feel in contemplating a fortune reared hj ourselves. 

Tim. Begor, sir, Misther Alphonso played hob with the bay 
mare. 

Cod. The bay mare ? 

Tim. Yis, faith — I wouldii,'t give three farthings for all the good 
she'll do now. 



A GREAT SUCCESS. 11 

Cod. That's unfortunate, but at present there are matters more 
pressing. Tim, you're a shrewd fellow and know what's w^hat. 

Tim. You may say that same, an' tell no lie. 

Cod. There's a gentleman in the house, to w^hom I wish every at- 
tention paid. I expect to make the investment profitable. Do you 
understand ? 

Tim. D'ye take me for a gossoon ? Avhy w^ouldn't I ? 

Cod. I have found you faithful — let it be your care to remain 
so. 

Tim. Thrust me, sir. 

Cod. Although Mrs. Codling has frequently complained of your 
negligence 

Tim. Me is it ? Shure she's mishtaken. 

Cod. Moreover, that you've been drunk on more than one occasion 
lately. 

Tim, I plade guilty to that. 

Cod. Stop it — if for no other reason, because my business requires 
a sober man. Consider what losses I my sustain through such con- 
duct. 

Tim. Begor, sir, you don't considher at all what Hose; not spakin' 
o' the headache, and sometimes a black eye, there's me hard-earned 
wages. 

Cod. Was there ever such excuses by delinquent before ? But go 
on and remember m}^ instructions. 

Enter Alphonso. 

Tim. All right, sir. {Exit Tim. 

Alph. Father, you must acknowledge I played a trump card this 
time. 

Cod. By accident. 

Alph. The General knows ail the great men of the country as 
intimately as you do Tim Doody. He's a great success ! 

Cod, I believe it. 

Alph, Talks of senators, cabinet-officers, and foreign ambassa- 
dors as I w^ould of Leonidas Tibbs, my chum. I tell you a secret 
— Let's already in love, so Beach had better save his travelling ex- 
penses. 

Cod. And you had better save your tongue, it gallops too fast. 

Alph. Hello , here comes Tibbs ; he's spoony on sis too. 

Enter Tibbs. 

Tibbs. Mr. Codling, senior, your humble servant, and Codling, 
junior, how are you ? 

Cod, (aside). This is the companion his mother has chosen for her 
darling — a congenial pair — hopelessly useless. 

Alph. Tibbs, old fel, you've got the start of me this time in that 
nobJ)y coat, I expect its mate — remember. 

Tibbs (aside). He has paid for this and don't know it. The other 
day I w^as charged at the club with wearing your old clothes. 

Alph, The deuce you were ! 

Tibbs. So I resolved to have one suit at least different from yours. 
"Wasn't I right. Codling, senior ? 

Cod, I feel unequal to such a weighty question. 

Tibbs. Crabbed , as usual. 

Alph. Tibbs, old boy, we have a lion in the house. 



12 A GREAT SUCCESS. 

TiEBS. A lion ! Open the door and let liim out. 

Alph. He's gentle as a dove, but loud; come, you can see him; 
don't be nervous. 

TiBBS, Lions, you know, are my specialty. 

[Exeunt Tibbs and Alph., boisterously. 

Cod. Lord, when I think of the up-hill work I had at their years — 
how few the hours that could be called my own, how empt}^ my 
wrinkled pockets were, and with what care I dusted and put away 
my Sunday coat. 

Enter General. 

General. Ha, ha, ha ! my dear Cod— excuse me, but brevity, 
you know, is the soul of wit, and in the army we clapped the sword 
to everything capable of abbreviation, from a man's life to his name. 
Shall it be Cod for short ? 

Cod. Of course — saves time. 

General . Just so ; I'll tell you a story to the point. Ha, ha ! 
From one end of the army to the other I was known as plain Dash. 
While reviewing the troops after the terrific battle of Cow-patch-gap, 
I heard a voice loudly calling, Dash, Dash. Turning quickly round 
I perceived on a ridge, some few hundred yards in Ihe rear, an excited 
individual gesticulating violently, still screaming Dash, Dash, at the 
top of his voice. Supposing some disaster at hand, I put my horse 
to his meltle, and arrived there in time 

Cod. To save the man's life ? 

General. To see a dog crouched at his feet. 

Cod. Ha, ha ! the dog's name was Dash ! 

General. You've hit it ! I was sold ; but don't repeat the story. 
My dear Cod, were you ever in a dilemma ? 

Cod. a dilemma ! 

General. In my hurry to get here, I forgot a necessary article of 
dress. 

Cod. Step to my room and repair the breach. 

General. Breach is good. Cod, you have wit. 

Cod. In earlier days I had some credit in that way. I could tell you 
an amusing 

General. My dear fellow, don't trouble yourself. I see it gleam- 
ing in your eye. The fact is, in changing my coat, I forgot it had 
pockets, and this moment, intending to reward your Irishman for 
his courtesy 

Cod. {aside). Practiced my lesson — good. 

General. I discovered my wallet to be missing. 

Cod. And that's a dilemma ? 
: General. It is. (aside) And a sad one, as I happen to know. 

Cod. Make yourself easy ; there's nothing in this house for sale. 
Freedom and hospitality rule here. 

General. In this mansion money is useless, I grant, but from 
habit, Cod, I dislike to be without the great motive power which 
may turn an emergency at any time into a victory. So I'll be 
obliged to make you my creditor temporarily for, say a thousand 
dollars. 

Cod, (Jiesitates). A thousand — let me see. {aside) Cool ! 

General. No trouble on my account. 

Cod. Don't mention it. General— I'll get it immediately. 

General. It can be deducted when the tunnel stocks are trans- 
ferred. 



A GREAT SUCCESS. 13 

Cod. Of course it can. [Exit Codling. 

General. A military title plus a judicious portion of brass equals 
one thousand dollars. 

Enter TiBBS and Alphonso. 

At<ptt. Here he is. 

TiBBS. The lion ! 

Alph. General Dasher, my chum, Leonidas Tibbs. 

General. Immortal name of glorious memory ! 

Tlbbs. Although not ambitious of emulating the Spartan, I have 
a great admiration for soldiers, and delight in contributing my share 
towards their glory. I am connected Avith the press. 

General. The lever of modern progress, the enlightener of all 
nations, the glory of the nineteenth century ! My dear sir, I have 
the highest esteem for your profession. 

Alph. My friend is always after items; he is anxious to get you in 
the papers. 

General {aside). And there's nowhere I'd rather keep out of. 

Tibbs. We endeavor to unite business with pleasure, and when 
coming in contact with a man who has made a noise in the world, 
we expect b}'' interviewing him to revive the excitement. 

General. I admire your frankness, I applaud your energy, I ap- 
prove the motive ; but you will do me the greatest possible favor by 
this time refraining from your customary practice. I have weighty 
reasons, known to the Government, however, why the world should 
remain ignorant of my present whereabouts. 

Alph. Description of a battle, eh, Tibbs ? 

Tibbs. Incidents of a dreary march, recollections of camp life, or 
reminiscences of celebrated characters. 

General. Gentlemen, I've had enough of notoriety. The truth is 
I court privacj^ I am no longer beguiled by the delusions of fame. 
{reflects, then suddenly) But an item you shall have. 

Tibbs. Shall I ? 

General, On one condition. 

Tibbs. Agreed — name it. 

General. That my name shall not appear. 

Tibbs. Of course not. {gets 2'iaper and pencil ready.) 

General {aside). Now for annihilation of the Past and a new 

Future ! {aloud) The tragedy 

■ Tibbs. Tragedy ! 

General. Is but a few days old, and has not been published. 

Tibbs. The better for that. 

Alph. A regular old blood and thunder, eh, Tibbs ? 

General. While lounging on the forecastle of a North river ferry, 
wrapped in the contemplation of the bright spheres above us, I was 
suddenly roused from my reverie, by a soul-touching sigh at my 
side. A hasty glance revealed the figure of a 

Tibbs. Woman ? 

General. Man, on whose woe-begone countenance despair had 
set his iron mark. With rapid strides he glided by and deliberately 
walked overboard 

Tibbs. And was drowned ? 

General . He rose to the surface 

Tibbs {writing). Three different times. Go en. 

General. And sunk at last-rr— : 



14 A GREAT SUCCESS. 

TiBBS. To rise no more. Go on. 

General. An apathetic effort was made to save him 

TiBBS. Without success. Proceed. The body 

General. Has not been recovered. 

TiBBS. His name 

General {hesitates). Absalom Bangs of Eockville. 

TiBBS. You knew him ? 

General {confused). Not I — 'twas written on the inside of his 
hat. 

TiBBS. Anything remarkable about his person ? 

General. This is all I know. 

TiBBS. Unlucky; but, General, my imagination will fill in — I've 
sketched the headings, {reads) Another suicide ! Man overboard ! 
Horrible indifference of lookers-on ! Three times to the surface and 
no hand stretched forth to save him ! Where is our boasted civiUza- 
tion ? Man's inhumanity to man ! General, I thank you. Come, 
Alphonso, we'll dispatch this immediately. 

[Exeunt Tibbs and Alph. 

General. Oh, happy age, that enables a man to witness his own 
death ! Oh, blessed newspapers, that convey the soothing intelligence 
to his surviving partner ! {looking off) A new face. 

Entej' Beach. 

Beach {icalks on General defore seeing Tdwi). I beg your pardon. 

General. Granted ! Have I had the pleasure of meeting you 
here before ? 

Beach. Just arrived, sir. 

General. A friend of • 

Beach. Everybody, in summer . 

General. Summer ! 

Beach. My name's Beach. 

'General {aside). A rival ! {aloud) Yery good, ha, ha ! excellent. 
" Beneath flie spreading beech he vowed, " My friend Cod 

Beach. Cod ! 

General . The major domo, your intended father-in-law, Codling. 

Beach {surprised ). You seem to know more 

General . I know all about your project — it's as well known in 
the neighborhood as yesterday's police news. Rather amusing. 

Beach. Amusing ! how so, sir ? 

General. Because, Mr. Beach, it is thought your father's avarice 
shadows his paternal affection ! 

Beach. This is very provoking. 

General. Damnably so ; but people's curiosity is aroused, and if 
they cannot see a good motive for so unnatural an alliance, they 
manufacture a bad one. 

Beach. How unnatural ? and what motive is needed, more than 
the universal law that attracts one sex towards the other ? 

General. Unless men's tastes have undergone a violent revolu- 
tion, I cannot imagine what a handsome young fellow like you could 
hope in marrying— a — a 

Beach. You hesitate — speak out. 

General. Perhaps I'm going too far. You may know all about 
the lady in question. 

Beach. I never saw her, -'^ 



A GREAT SUCCESS. 15 

General. Draw ucar. I am a soldier, accustomed to speak 
plainl3^ 

Beach. Go on, sir; you have a r:g]l^. 

General {draioing close and speaking in a low (one). My name is 
Dasher, General Di slier. I despise ttie sordid love 6f gain which 
controls the minds of some men, to the exclusion of ennobling 
qualities. This young lad}'-, Mits Codliug, is an object to excite our 
pity — she is — a cripple ! 

Beach. Good heavens ! 

General. Nature indulges in freaks sometimes, to display her 
bounties more effectually by contrast. 

Beach. This is horrible 1 

General. Her form is well enough ; but 

Beach. But what ? 

General. It is bent almost double. 

Beach. Double ! 

General. She has an excellent eye; bright, mellow and deep. 

Beach. A fine eye makes up for many deficiencies. 

General. But she has only one ! 

Beach. One eye and bent double ! Could my father have known 
this ? impossible ! The lady has my compassion, but hang me if I 
marry her. 

General. Speaking in charity, were she born a Spartan, her 
birth-day would be her last day on earth ! 

Beach. I shall return home at once — my visit here kept a secret 
— a letter of apology from my father. But, sir, can I depend on 
you ? 

General. I am a gentleman and a soldier— you have my word. 

Beach (Jialf aside). Ah, Matilda, my wandering thoughts return 
again to you ! 

General. Act on your resolution at once, for Codling is almost 
upon us. 

Beach. Farewell ! from my heart, I thank you. [Kr.it Beach. 

General. Good-bye ! Military strategy, decoy the enemy to other 
fields, and the battle's won without a blow ! 

Enter Codling. 

Cod. (handing money). I take a pleasure in accommodating you. 

General, My dear Cod, I believe it— this mark of friendship 

Cod. Not a word, not a word 1 

E7iter Mrs. Codling, Letitia, Tebbs and Alphonso. 

TiBBS (to Let.). You understand the language of flowers ? 

Mrs. C. La, Mr. Tibbs, she's learned four languages that I know 
of besides two dead 

General (endeavoring to get between Tibbs and Let.). And the 
reasoDable conclusion would be, ihat a lady of her acquirements 
had not neglected the lively and expressive language of flowers. 

Alph. (aside to Mrs. C). The General's sweet on sis, eh ? 

Mrs. C. (to A'lfh..). The dear creature. Tell your father I want 
him. 

Tibbs (aside). This General is a d — d cheeky egotist, (all retire 
hack except Codling and Mrs. C.) 

Mrs. C, Just look at the cherub ! you didn't know her attractions. 



16 A GREAT SUCCESS. ■ 

Cod. I haven't discovered them. 

Mrs, C. The General has ; see., a captive on each hand. 

Cod. Captives, you call them ; she'll soon have a third, I expect 
young Beach Qvery moment. 

Mrs. C. He must not come here to meddle with my arrangements. 
Send Alphonso to stop him at the station. 

Cod. What then? 

Mrs. C. Say we've gone to the mountains, the seashore, or any- 
where. 

Cod. Turn off my friend's son with a lie ! Besides, I don't know 
but what he'd make the best husband. 

Mrs. C. You know nothing about such matters. 

Cod. Quite right; I made a blunder myself. 

Mrs. C. You want to put me out of temper, but you can't. 

E/ite?' Tim. 

Tim. There's a daughter of darkness out here as wants to see 
Mislher Codling. 

Cod. Who is it ? 

Mrs. C. Some of his Irish wit. 

Tim. We nivir looks gloomy, ma'am, only in pity for ill-nathured 
people. 

Mrs. C. (aside). Impertinent rascal I 

Cod. Where is the party ? 

Tim. At the gate, sur ; she'll be here in a jiffy. [Exit Tim. 

Mrs. C. That fellow's too bold. 

Be-enter Timothy, Phillis following. 

Tim, This is the visitor. 

Cod. Who are you ? 

Phil. Phillis. 

TiBBS. A cloudy goddess. 

Phil. Who's a cloud ? Young missus is a-waitin*. 

Cod. Who is ? 

Phil. Miss Tildy, ob course. 

Cod . What ! Miss Hartly arrived ? 

TiBBS. The young lady you're expecting ? 

Mrs. C. {aside). 1 could wish her far away at this moment. 

Cod. Come, let us all unite in extending a hearty welcome. 
[Exeunt all but Timothy a7id Phillis. 

Tim. (prevoiting I* RIL.T.IS' exit). Don't tear yourself away, I wants 
to have a chat wid you. 

Phil. Shut you mouf ; what's you take me for ? I isn't no com- 
mon nigga, I'll let you know. 

Tim. Shure I'm very glad to see a dacent one, 

Phil. G'way, I isn't cariu' nuffin' for such poor trash. 

Tim. There was a girl like you here not long since, an' we locked 
her up with a big dog, an' begor, whin the dog got hungry, he began 
to 

Phil, {rushes for door, is stopped by Tim.). I isn't afraid o' you 
white man. Don't come near dis chile ! 

Tim. (pretending passion). Can you shwim ? 

Phil. Oh, Miss Tildy ! oh, murder ! 

Tim. Whisht , why don't you ? A cannon couldn't be heard from 



A GREAT SUCCESS. 17 

here. You may roar till you turn white and nobody could hear. 
Shure, 'lis a custom we have to throw people like you into the pond; 
if you can shwim you're all right. 

Phil. Oh, please ! oh, don't, Mista ! 

Tim. 'Twont dhrowned you ; the shnappin' turtles might bite off 
your toes, but shure they'll grow agin. 

Phil. Oh, let me go this time. (Tim. threatens, she screams.) 

Enter Twaddle. 

Twaddle. Twaddle to the rescue ! What have we here ? a dusky 
damsel and a son of Erin. 

Tim. The vefy same. (Phillis runs out.) 

TwAD. Are you not ashamed to behave so ? 

Tim. I was havin' a bit o' fun. Is it me to touch a fibre of her 
wool in the way of harm ? 

TwAD. The effect on her was the same; she believed you. But 
where can I find Mr. Codling ? 

Tim. Misther Codling, is it ? 

TwAD. Oblige me by letting him know that Mr. Twaddle is 
anxious to speak with him. 

Tim. {laughing). Twaddle de de, Twaddle de dum. {as Tim. 
turns to go out, all the characters introduced pass over the stage at back ; 
he points out Codling to Twaddle, icho mistakes General for Cod- 
ling and accosts him.) 

TwAD. {coming forward icith Gf^^YAiKiS). I am John Twaddle, of 
the well-known and reliable firm of Jenkins, Bunco & Twaddle, at- 
torneys and counsellors at law. My business with you, Mr. Codling, 
as a representative of the aforesaid firm {looks over papers, they sit. ) 

General {aside). Mistakes me for Codling — flattering. 

TwAD. Yes, here it is. As I was about to say, my business is to 
arrive at a thorough understanding with regard to the estate of the 
late Henry Hartly , deceased . 

General. Ahem 1 exactly. 

TwAD. His daughter, Matilda, sole heiress, attains her majority in 
a few days, and we are anxious to close her affairs at that time. We 
expect you to pay over the whole amount which her father by will 
requested to remain in your hands during her minority. 

General. Yes, just so. The amount ? 

TwAD. Not a trifle to forget; one hundred thousand dollars. 

General {rising excitedly). One hundred thousand dollars ! 

TwAD. Added to sums invested elsewhere, swells the total to the 
handsome sum of two hundi-ed thousand dollars. 

General. Two hundred thousand dollars, and an orphan ! 

TwAD. An excellent start in life for some enterprising young man, 
your son for instance. 

General {abstractedly). Or myself. 

TwAD. Gad, you look young enough; but how to get rid of the 
other. Ha, ha ! 

General. Get rid of the other, yes, how ? 

TwAD. However, as Bunco once said, while sealing a bargain ■ 

Enter Codling. 

General. Mr. Codling, my friend, Mr. Twaddle. 

TwAD. {surpridcd, looks from one to tJie other). Sold, by jingo ! 



18 - A GREAT SUCCESS. 

Cod. Mr. Twaddle ! 
TwAD. Of Jenkins, Bunce & Twaddle. 

Cod. I know your partners. Tlie firm still maintains its reputa- 
tion for shrewdness ? 
TwAD. {looking at General). 'Twas lately in jeopardy. 

Enter Mrs. Codling, Matilda and Alphonso. 

TwAD. {aside). As a lawyer, he would Lave been a great success ! 
(Twaddle and Codling talk apart.) 

Mrs. C. Matilda, my dear— I call you Matilda, Miss Hartly sounds 
so formal, more like mere acquaintance than real friendship. 

Mat. I fully agree with you. 

Mrs. C. I begin to look on you already as one of the family. 

Mat. You would soon tire of me. 

Mrs. C, You wrong me to think so. {aside to Alphonso) You 
stand like a chump ; why don't you talk to her ? (General advances 
totcards MatiIjD A, Mrs. C. stops him and engages him in conversation.) 

Alph. Miss Hartly — have you — fine day, isn't it ? did you see my 
chum yet ? Tibbs, jou know. 

Mat. He has escaped me among so many attractions. 

Alph. He's a stunner ! He's lightning ! you bet. 

Mat. As your friend, I'll be delighted to meet him. 

Mrs. C. {amle to Alph), You blockhead, what has she to do with 
Tibbs ? 

Alph. Why, mother, Tibbs is a genius. 

General {wJio Ms approached close to Mat., notwithstanding "Kvi^. 
Codling's efforts to keep him hack). Miss Hartly, I was about to 

Mrs. C. {internipting him). General, you have wrought my 
curiosity in military affairs to so high a pitch, that I am dying to 
hear your description of a battle. 

General. I shall be delighted on some other occasion; but now, 
Mrs. Codling, you'll excuse me. {turning to Matilda) The country 
is no novelty to you, judging from the brilliancy of your complex- 
ion. 

Mrs. C. {getting between Matilda and General). Or even a skir- 
mish ? I won't be put off. 

General {aside). Hang the old cat. 

Mrs. C. Your modesty reminds me of an incident that transpired 
during my visit to Paris. 

General {aside). To Paris again ! Would she had staid there. 

Mrs. C. As I was saying 

General {turning to Mat.). Your first visit to the metropolis of 
the nation ? 

Mat. It is. 

General. I hope, Miss Hartly, 'twill not be j^our last, {they con- 
ve7'se apart.) 

Mrs. C. [to Alph.). What a blockhead, that cannot entertain a 
young lady for five minutes ! 

Alph. Mother, I'll get Tibbs to do my talking. 

Mrs. C. And carry off the fortune, you booby, {to General and 
Mat.) Your pardon for this interruption ■ 

General {aside). I wish the old hag was in {turning abruptly 

on Mrs. C.) Where is your husband ? {by direction of Mu^. C., Alph. 
approaches Mat.) 
Mrs. C. The truth is, General, that husbands bother themselves 



A GREAT SUCCESS. 19 

SO much about business, we are compelled to entertain ourselves 

frequently without them. 
General (aside). What must I do with her ? (turns to Mat.) 
Mrs. C. We have forgotten Letitia, how cruel ! Pray, General, 

your company to search for her. 

^ , General. How lucky ! she's here in excellent hands. 

Entei' Letitia a7id Ticbs. Is'oise loUhout. 

Cod. (rushing forward). What noise is that ? 

Enter Beach, followed by Timothy, iclio carries gun levelled at Mm, 
Phillis beldnd. Company frightened, rush to one side of the stage. 

Tim. March sthrait ahead ; now halt. 

Cod. Timothy, explain this. 

Tim. The thafe of the world ! I found him climbin' the back 
fince, an' when I towld him to shtop, faith, he wintfasther; so I jist 
dhrew a bade on him and marched him here for thrial. (all except 
Mat. come forward to look at him.) 

TiBBS. Oh, what a very low forehead ! 

Let. Such a horrible face ! 

Alph. No cut to his clothes ! 

General. An exceeding bad eye ! 

Beach. I feel highly flattered. 

Cod. (flustering). How came you here, sir ? Give me a direct 
answer; the whole truth you'll find the better way. 

TwAD. Be careful, for I, who represent the firm of Jenkins, Bunce 
& Twaddle, shall take the statements down verbatim ! 

Beach. I'll confess. 

Mat. (aside). What could he have done ? 

CoD. Ready, Mr. Twaddle ? 

General (aside). " The best laid plans of men and mice gang aft 
aglee." 

Beach. I came to this house expecting to make it my home for 
some weeks, as I was informed that it contained a valuable treasure 
which I could possess. 

All. Horrible ! 

Beach (looking at General). But through the disinterested persua- 
sion of a friend, I concluded to leave wirhout it. 

TwAD. That's good— old criminal— I knew it ! 

Tim. Here's a rope ! 

OoD. This is no explanation. 

TwAD. So prepare for public lodgings. 

Tim. I'll march him off to the rogue's gallery. 

Beach (aside). What delightful philanthropy! (aloud) My father, an 
old friend of yours, assured me I should meet with a cheerful recep- 
tion at your hands 1 

Cod. Your father ! Who are you.? 

Beach. Walter Beach. 

General (aside). A bad deal. 

Cod. Walter Beach ! my dear fellow, I beg a thousand pardons 1 
The mistaken zeal of my servant, (to Tim.) Get out of my sight. 
(exit Tim.) And now to make amends, Avhat shall I do ? 

Beach. Forget it. 



20 A GREAT SUCCESS. 

Cod, You shall— ha, ha ! the fact is, I offer you the most precious 
jewel of my household, {takes Letitia's hand.) 

Beach (looks earnestly at General, aside). His daughter ! save 
me ! 

General {aside to Beach). Refuse her. 

Cod. Come, daughter ! 

Let. Qiolding hack, is surrounded by Mrs. C. , Tibbs and others). 
Oh, pa, I can't, {they remonstrate with Codling.) 

Cod. But you must. Here she is, sir, ha, ha ! your father's hopes 
and mine. 

Beach {aside). What should I say 1< one eye — diouhle— {looks at 
Let. , is surprised, casts reproachful glance at General, ixiho appears 
confused, but forces smile.) 

Cod. Come, Mr. Beach, ladies and gentlemen, come; while dis- 
cussing some refreshments, we shall endeavor to forget this mistake 
in the enjoyment of each other's company ! (Beach is leading off 
Letitia, 'whe7i he is startled by seeing Matilda, drops Letitia's arm, 
she goes off with Tibbs. General going towards Matilda, is 7net by 
Mrs. C, w?io rushes Alphonso beticeen him and Matilda, they gooff 
togetJier. The General left alone, turns round and discovers Piiillis 
watching him, she offers to take his arm. General goes off^ quickly, 
followed by Phillis laughing loudly.) 

END of first act. 



ACT II. 

SCENE. — A room richly furnished in Codling's house. Everything 
indicates ostentatious wealth. 

Phillis discovered dusting and arranging furniture. 

Phil. I'se gettin' mighty tired o' dis life — nuffin but white folks 
an' work. Dis here ole missus hasn't got no use for niggas if dey 
Isn't always a-workin'. I wants to get back, I does ; no cuUud 
s'iety, no churches. Miss Tildy better quit foolin' wid dem here 
Golfonsos and Gen'al What-you calls-ems, and marry Mista Walter ; 
he's her true love an' no mistake, 

Tim looks in at window, then enters. 

Tim. Is it there ye are, me charcoal beauty ? 

Phil. G'way, white man. I tell you 'gin, don' fool wid me. 

Tim. What now ; the duck pond isn't dried up yet ? 

Phil. I stood dis long nuff ; I isn't to be insulted. 

Tim. Och, but it's tindher ye're gettin'. Faith, 'tisn't long till 
we'll have to be pullin' off our* hats for ye. 

Phil. I reckon lots o' gemmans tooked off dere hats to me before 
now. I'll let you know Purfessor Cicero Johnson never goed by 
'dout bowin' an' takin' off his hat. 

Tim. When he had one. Good breedin's fallin' in wid queer com- 
pany of late. But things are movin' on, they say. Good-bye, Phillis, 



A GREAT SUCCESS. 21 

forliere comes your missus, along wid me prisoner that was, but now, 
faith, the besht frind I have ; and a rale gintleman he is. [Exit Tim. 

Phil. I hasn't got no use for dis hci;e Timuffy. I reckon he's a 
Icind o' Irishman, an' our preacher always warned us gals about dcm 
kind ; dey's bad. 

Enter Beach and Matilda, iii conversation. 

Beach. I had no heart in the business, I assure you. I came ia 
obedience to my father. 

Mat. {seeing Phillis). I've left my shawl in the library ; take it 
to my room. 

Phil, (aside). Dat shawl ain't a-troublin' o' her now. [Exit. 

Beach. This redoubtable General evidently feared a rival in me, 
for he drew so horrible a description of the lady that I resolved to 
return home at once, without making myself known. 

Mat. Laughable, though cruel. How has he explained it ? 

Beach. In mistaking a cripple whom he had seen here for Miss 
Codling. 

jMat. Which of course can't be doubted. 

Beach. Endeavoring to escape from the premises by obscure ways, 
the watchful eyes of an attendant detected me, and concluding that 
honest men leave more openly, he captured and marched me, like a 
prisoner of war, into the midst of the company, where I was startled 
and rejoiced to see you. 

Mat. Startled, perhaps, but 

Beach. Still more rejoiced. The General's violent attachment to 
Miss Codling changed to indifference when you came on the scene. 

Mat. This change exists in your imagination only. 

Beach. I cannot think so. 

Mat. (aside). A spark of jealousy ! (aloud) I am placed in an 
awkward position. Committed to your policy of denying a previous 
acquaintance, I feel as if I were living a lie. 

Beach. You consider it too seriously. 

Mat. The invited guest of my father's friend, whose wife has 
convinced herself that I must marry her son ! 

Beach. No consideration for the feelings of others, requires us to 
sacrifice our own. 

Mat. Your name is expected to be conferred on the 3'oung lady. 
Despoiled at one stroke of a husband for her daughter and a wife for 
her son, what misery would overtake this unfortunate mother ! 

Beach. I am heartily despised by Miss Codling. A thought 
should not be wasted on the brother, who is devoid of both sense and 
feeling. 

jNIat. Yet his mother declares him perfection. 

Beach. Did she believe it, this General would not trouble her so 
much as a rival. 

IVIat. (aside). The General again ! (aloud) You can laugh at her 
fears. 

Beach. Because my faith is strong. 

Mat. (aside). The spark growing to a blaze, (aloud) I am a wo- 
man — young, not differing in essentials from my sisters, consequently 
inclined to— frailty ! 

Beach. Do not draw on your imagination for. miseries that never 
shall be ours. But why should we reason on matters 

Mat. That never admit of it. 



22 A GREAT SUCCESS. 

BEAcn. A lady approaches whose conduct may go far in convinc- 
ing 3^011 'tis never magnanimous to grant what selfishness demands. 
{they seioarate.) 

Enter Mrs. Codling. 

/ Mrs. C. Child, I've looked for you everywhere ; the garret and 
cellar were searched. Poor Alphonso searched every nook in the 
garden. The dear boy ! 'twould melt a stone to see him go on. 

Beach (aside). The venerable hypocrite ! 
] Mat. What is the matter with him ? 

' Mrs, C. The matter, my dear ! Child, don't try to blind my ex- 
perience. 

Mat. Really, Mrs. Codling, I have no intention. 

Mrs. C. You don't mean to tell me a beautiful young girl, just 
out of her teens, can't tell when a youug fellow falls in love with 
her. {sees Walter) Oh dear, here's Mr.^Beach. {to Mat.) What a 
clownish appearance — no style, no finish. 

Mat. He may not feel the need of it. 

Enter Codlixg. 

Mrs. C. What do yqu think, Mr. Codling ? The little rogue here 
affects innocence, and endeavors to throw dust in my eyes. 
Cod. She is foolish to try it — with you. 

Enter Alphonso. 

Mrs. C. All your diligence could not discover her, and you gave 
up the chase, sad and dispirited, didn't you ? 

Alph. About what, mother ? 

Mrs. C. Dunce ! Weren't you anxiously looking 

Alph. Of course I was— had Tim and the dogs out. 

Mrs. C. {making signs to him). The dogs ! 

Alph. But I concluded to await the arrival of Let. 

Mrs. C. {angry). Booby ! 

Alph. As I know Tibbs won't be far behind. 

Mat. {aside). Decidedly in love ! 

Beach {aside). Artless — refreshing ! 

Mrs. C. {very angry). Never mind Tibbs ; can't you see Miss 
Hartly ? 

Alph. Well, what of her ? 

Mrs. C. {to Mat.). My dear, you see he's bashful as a boy of fif- 
teen, though rising on twenty-two. 

Enter General. 

General. Ladies, your servant. Gentlemen, your most obedi- 
ent. Ha, everything wears the glow of happiness tliis lovely morn- 
ing. Miss Hartly, you have not yet greeted the rising monarch of 
the da}^ Charming view from the verandah, where he can be seen 
climbing over the distant hilltops, chasing the sickly moisture of the 
nis:ht, and throwing his dazzling rays where gloom and terror lately 
reigned ! 

Mat. {aside). Poetical— as my first love-letter. 

General. On such a mo'-ning, nature robed in her choicest livery, 
we fought the bloody battle of Cow-patch-pen. It was a horrible 



A GREAT SUCCESS. 23 

day ; few of us expected to see another. Men fell like grass before 
the scythe ! 

Cod. The gallant heroes of such a day should never he 

General. They are already forgotten. Fame, my dear Cod, is a 
mockery — a base delusion, that turns men of sense from the useful 
paths of duty into the labyrinths of airy dreams ! 

Mat. a melancholy comment on the glories of war. 

General. Sad, yet the glory of the hour is sufficient reward to 
those in action. Not a man in that day's struggle would have 
changed places with the most enviable individual at home in safety. 
Powder inflames the blood and banishes fear. Magnificent spectacle, 
two armies in conflict ! 

Mat. To a looker-on. 

General. Exactly; but remember, it is one of the laws governing 
armies in the field, that a general officer never enters into the midst 
of the contest. It would be cruelty towards those under him to 
risk his life and leave them, perhaps, to be indiscriminately slaugh- 
tered. 

Cod. I always supposed it was an officer's duty to lead his men 
where the battle raged hottest. 

General. A mere delusion, I assure you. Minor officers of com- 
panies and regiments may, on occasion, lead their men ; but for a 
general officer to forget himself so far as to leave his position in the 
rear, would be a violation of all discipline. 
' Alph. Gad, I'd like to be a general officer ! 

Cod. Then these flaming pictures of Napoleon and "Wellington 

General. Entirely imaginary. 

Mat. What, was the g^-eat Napoleon always in the rear ? 

General. I grant Napoleon forgot himself at times; but he had 
not the science of to-day as a guide. A general who should now 
act as he did would be court-martialed and cashiered in twenty-four 
hours ! 

Cod. You don't say so ? 

Mrs. C. {who Ms heeii uneasy for some time, endeavors to draio Gen- 
eral away from Matilda). Speaking of armies, during my visit to 
Paris, the Duke — let me see-;^ — 

Cod. (aside). When she goes to Paris, it's my time to leave. 

[Exit Codling. 

Mrs. C. Duke — what's his name ? 

General. Madam, the Duke is my very good friend, (to Mat.) 
The secret of good generalship is — gain a victory, but save your life. 
(General and Mat. converse.) 

Enter Tibbs and Letitia . 

AivPH. Here's Tibbs at last ! 

Mrs. C. Letty, dear child, the General's been asking for you. 

Tibbs. Alph, old fel, where shall we go to-night ? 

Mrs. C. (angry). Mr. Tibbs, my son shall not^go out of this house 
to-night, nor to-morrow night, nor 

Tibbs. Gad, ma'am, yoii please me exactly. I don't know where 
I had rather spend a whole week. What say you. Miss Lettv ? 

]\Irs. C. (aside to Let., draicing lier aioay). Devote less time to 
Tibbs, do you understand ? and more to the General. 

Let. Leonidas has been so good. You forget that he put all about 
our party in the papers, and spoke so very highly of you. 



24 A GREAT SUCCESS. 

Mrs. C. Eewards are not bestowed for past favors. Here lies our 
interest now. {takes Letitia to where General and Matilda are 
talking.) 

TiBBS, The old lady has been dosing Let. 

Alph. Mother's a Tartar; but she can't lecture you out of sis's 
head. There's Walter Beach, with more sense, father says, than 
any of us. Let won't look at him. 

TiEBS. The girls naturally take to us. 

Alph. Of course they do. Mother wants to force Miss Prude 
there, on me. 

TiBBS. Shocking ! she's a-frigtit and talks sense. I hate a woman 
that talks sense. 

Alph. Sis won't trouble you in that way ; father says she's a doll. 

TiBBS. Hang it, when I marry, I want a wife that I can look on 
without trembling. (Mrs. .C. beckons to Alph.) 

Alph. At it again, old woman ? How I hate this job. Stand to 
VL\Q, Tihh&. {crosses to IsItx^. C and oiliers.) 

Mrs. C. {motions Alph. to go near Mat., wTiile she draws General 
off). I have always imagined, somehow, that our son would dis- 
tingursh himself as a soldier; he has the movement — the erect car 
riage 

General. A veryrnodel, Mrs. Codling, {turns to Mat.) 

Mrs. C. a few lessons from you, General, would work wonders. 

General {annoyed). At present there's no field open, except the 
militia, {again twrning to Mat.) 

Mrs. C. Even that, as a school 

General {aside). How can I rid myself of this woman ? 

Mrs. C. You said something ? 

General. Yes — true, I have known men obtain high rank and a 
dubious kind of reputation, by parading a company or two of gilt- 
edge soldiers on the Fourth of July. 

Enter Timothy. 

Tm. Misther Codling says, for the ladies and gintlemen as wants 
to see a boat-race, to go right away to the platform in the west ind. 

General {to Mat.). How thoughtful in Cod ! 

Mat. Cod! 

General. A delightful recreation. May I have the pleasure of 
your company ? 

Mat. Pardon me ! I am subject to — the fact is, I have reasons for 
remaiuing within doors to-day. 

General. My greatest enjoyment shall be here. 

Mat. Don't think of it. I'd grieve for a week, should I deprive 
you of the anticipated pleasure. 

General {in a low wke). There's no pleasure away from you. 

Mat. But, sir, I wish to be alone. 

General. My soul remains behind; 'twill not be long before I re- 
turn to keep it company. 

Mrs. C. {'placing Alph. hetioeen Mat. and General). Dear child, 
come with us — make up a family party. 

Mat. I positively decline going out this morning. 

Mrs. C. {aside). How waspish ! 

Alph. I'm glad, [Exeunt all hut Matilda, who motions Letitia, 
going out, to return. Letitia drops Tibbs' arm and returns. 



. -- A GREAT SUCCESS. 25 

Mat. Dear Letty, we've not had a moment to ourselves since my 
arrival, and I'm dying to have a chat about our frolics at school. 

Let. It seems so very long ago, and but 

Mat. Two short years. Then we made faces at the boys— how is 
it now ? 

Let. Oh ! 

Mat. We practice the same game still, but don't let them see it. 

Let. To tell you the truth, my mind's confused. 

Mat. On the engrossing subject of boys? You're in love; what 
girl is not ? 

Let. I can't tell ! I'll be guided by you — listen. 

Mat. You've formed no plans for yourself ? 

Let. Ma tells me never to let love enter deeper than the surface, 
and never to look with favor on any one who has not a full purse to 
start out with. 

Mat. Prudent, but I cannot subscribe to the doctrine. I act as I 
feel, and let consequences take care of themselves. Begin, and as 
you recite your troubles, I'll offer suggestions. 

Let. Well, first I have— three lovers ! 

Mat. Three — horrible ! 

Let. Each making proffers 

Mat. Of his undying et cetera ? 

Let. Number one, my father's choice, Walter Beach. 

Mat. {aside). Confusion, my tell-tale face ! 

Let. I see you don't like him ? 

Mat. On the contrary 

Let. I hate him for his old-fashioned ways. 

Mat. You may not see his good qualities ? 

Let. I don't want to dig deep for what should appear on the sur- 
face. If you have good things, wear them. 

Mat. Pass him. 

Let. Number two is a gentleman in looks and actions. 

Mat. The paragon ? 

Let. Mr. Tibbs. 

Mat. He's your choice. 

Let. He was ma's, Alphonso's and mine, but pa calls him a puppy. 

Mat. Your father has judgment— he might have said worse. 

Let. Right or wrong, Tibbs is genteel and fashionable. 

Mat. Consider your marrying a man gotten up so artificially, so 
delicate, that he is liable to spoil. A shower of rain or one of those 
unexpected clouds that suddenly drop on the most placid hearths, 
might ruin him. Imagine for a moment, what a terrible shock such 
nerves may receive from the breaking of a china dish or the fail of a 
looking-glass ! 

Let, His feelings, I know, are so sensitive, and he wears such 
elegant clothes. 

Mat. Then his name — there's a great deal in that. 

Let. How ? 

Mat. Every wife has a pet name for her husband, used in emerg- 
encies to calm the beast in his rage. But what could be done with 
Leonidas Tibbs ? one is too long, the other too cramped. 

Let. You frighten me. 

Mat. Number three ? 

Let. The General. 

Mat. The General ! I flattered myself— but let that pass. T seo 
you intend to monopolize all the eligible men of our acquaintance. 



26 >, ' _ A GREAT SUCCESS. 

Let. Ma has given you Alphonso. 

Mat. But what would your ma do without him ? 

Let. She doats on him ! Oh, dear, I have a great mind to com- 
promise by taking the General . 

Mat. So between you, I'm left in the shade. 

Let. Lord ! I didn't know, you know ; and after all, I believe I'd 
rather have Tibbs, he's more congenial ; so if your heart 

Mat. Hearts are left out. I expect the General here presently. 

Let. {piqued). Indeed ! excvise me— I had no idea that matters 
had gone so far. 

Mat. He comes. Step into the next room, be a witness of his pro- 
fessions — then tell me whose lover he is ? 

Let. Play the eaves-dropper ? I'm grieved to find you think so 
meanly of me. My dear, I'd scorn myself forever, if I stooped to 
sych a thing. [Exit Letitia. 

Mat. For all that I warrant she listens, and for her benefit the 
General shall be drawn out. 

Enter General. 

General. As I expected, there was no enjoyment for me. 

Mat. Though, no doubt, intended expressly for your entertain- 
ment. 

General. The eye is not satisfied with contemplating the stereo- 
typed figures of common clay, while creation's gems are within its 
reach, {a jwi-tion of IjEtitia'b dress seen at door.) 

Mat. Creation's gems ! pretty. 

General. The sport was passable stuff enough; buttlie company, 
to put it mildly, was horribly dull. Mrs. Codling, always voluble 
with one subject, or rather two, her son and daughter — the son, but 
little removed from idiocy. 

Mat. {moving towards door where Letitia is, talks loud — General 
also moves after her). And the daughter ? 

General. Ha, ha ! a spoiled child, whose native qualities, though 
below the average, would have been tolerable were they not entirely 
obliterated, and in their place an artificial covering appears, more 
disgusting than the lowest vulgarity, because more assuming ! (Let. 
screams) What's that ? 

Mat. You're alarmed — 'fis nothing. 

General. A voice — in distress ! 

Mat. a cat. 

General. It startled me, I confess. A soldier fears nothing so 
much as an ambuscade. 

Mat. You were speaking — — 

General. Exactly — of the Cods — I call them Cods for short. 
The lover, Leonidas, a butterfly aspiring to distinction on the strength 
of his taste in the selection of a cravat. 

Mat. But he has other aims. 

General. A picker-up of stale news, which he carries to the 
editor, by whom it is put in suitable garments for public inspection. 
(Beach appears at hack and looks uneasy.) 

Mat. You are cruel. 

General. Just, as I am a gentleman. Miss Hartly. I acknow- 
ledge the head of the family a clever old rascal and generous by 
starts, (aside) as my pocket bears v/itness. (aloud) But why should 
wc waste these precious moments in discussing the characters of 



_^_ A GREAT SUCCESS. 27 

Others, which can be so profitably utilized in cultivating the heart ? 
(praxes nearer to Matilda.) 

Enter Beach at back. 

Beach {aside). Is this the way the wind blows ? 

Mat. {moving away). I had almost forgotten my engagement wi'th 
Letitia. 

General {seeing Beach, aside). Hang him ! as I was about to 
make an impression ! {to Mat.) I feel inclined to bastinado this fellow 
for his rudeness. 

Mat. Be prudent, General. You may find him a stubborn antag- 
nist. 

General. Such a consideration has no weight. 

Mat. 'Tis not for you, who have so often escaped the glory of a 
warrior's death, to fall obscurely at the hands of a private individual. 

General {aside). My heart's echo, {boisterously) I will teach him 
the consequence of intruding where 

Beach {rapidly approaching him). How, sir ? 

General {aside). He's not the man I took him for. 

Beach. Repeat your remarks ! 

General. Pray don't excite yourself. 

Beach. Sir, I am calm and determined. 

General {altering his manner). My dear fellow, I thought you 
knew me. Ha, ha ! the words of a soldier often pop out before the 
mind has time for reflection. Sir, I tender you an apology — here's 
my hand. 

Ma-T. {aside). A rare soldier. 

General {aside). No bluff to him. 

]Mat. {aside), I am &''afe in leaving them together. 

Enter Phillis. 

Phil. Miss Letty is a'Wantin' of you. 

Mat. {aside to Beach). " Let not your angry passions rise." 

Beach. The crisis has passed. [Exeunt Mat. and Phillis. ' 

General. You appear to be well acquainted with Miss Hartly ? 

Beach. .Not very— met her here, and now tip my hat as she 
passes, no more. 

General. One of her admirers ? 

Beach. One ! 

General. I am in that class too, and between you and me, I flat- 
ter myself I am not last in her affections. Mum. 

Beach {aside). Pleasant, {aloud) Indeed ! 

General. If there is truth in woman, I stand first in her estima- 
tion. Sir, I have made such rapid strides in so short a time, that it 
would astonish a quiet gentleman like you. 

Beach. I acknowledge the astonishment. 

General. But mum; we should not tell tales out of school. 

Beach. But to me, you know, it makes no difference. 

General. Exactly ! I took to you from the first, although my 
zeal led me into error. 

Beach. True — ha, ha ! we'll forget that. 

General. My military training has been as useful to me ia r.ttack- 
ing the heart of a lady, as in assaulting the euemy's brcatworks. 



28 A GREAT SUCCESS.. >-. _ 

When I take a fancy to a woman everything follows — the dear 
creatures can't resist. 

Be ACK (aside). Consoling! (aloud) I should like to discover the 
secret of your art. 

General. It requires a combination of all arts to throw a veil 
over our nature and mak© the most cunning device pass for an out- 
burst of passion and sentiment. Do you understand ? 

Beach. Perfectly ! 

General. Practice makes perfect. By the way, Mr. Beach, I 
shall now pay you a compliment. Through some mistake of my 
broker, I failed to get a remittance this morning. For a day or two I 
will be your debtor to the amount of a few hundred dollars. 

Beacd. This is the compliment ? 

General. If you take it as such, ha, ha ! my dear fellow. 

Beach, Certainly ! (aside) I purchase his knowledge. 

General. Five hundred for, say, two or three days. 

Beach (hands General money). Do you know I am burning with 
curiosity to find out 

General. I know you are — to find out 

Beach. By what charm you captured Miss Hartly ? 

General. Any other time with pleasure, (aside) for here comes a 
goose that promises better plucking. 

Enter Codling. 

Cod, The ladies are surprised at your absence. I endeavored to ex- 
plain, but only succeeded in making things worse. 

General.. Unfortunate, Cod ! 

Beach. We'll speak on that matter again, [Exit Beach. 

General. All right ! 

Cod. What flatter? 

General. Matter! why an all-engrossing question with him; but 
you'll not speak of it ? 

Cod. Not! 

General. He is agitated by the new theory of creation. 

Cod. Bother the theories ! I thought he had more sense— yet he's 
an excellent young man. 

General. Very. My dear Cod, I have just received two letters 
from my friends in the cabinet. 

Cod. Indeed I 

General. The affair is settled. A consulship in Italy for your 
son; for yourself, my worthy friend, an expected vacancy in the 
embassy to Japan 1 

Cod. I — to Japan ? 

General. My dear sir, if you wish to serve your country, now's 
your time— honest men are needed — men who know the value of time 
and money. 

Cod. a' change of occupation, at my time of life 

General. Is just what's needed to bring out hidden talent. It 
has often occurred, that men who at fifty were considered little bet- 
ter than their wives' servants, at fifty-five astonished the world by 
discovering a genius they never dreamed of possessing. Rare plants 
are slow in maturing. 

Cod. Really, General, I 

General, Sir, you are equal to any position. Tou are too 
modest. - 



A GREAT SUCCESS. 29 

Cod. But for my son, though I cannot deny he's a blockhead, he 
may learn. 

General. Brilliant men are not needed in the consular service. 
Men of originalily startle old heads of departments with obsolete 
questions of right or Avrong, or some other nonsense. 

Cod. Nonsense, is that ? 

General. As they see it. Your men of real genius make but in- 
different plodders. 

Cod. I see a new exktence dawning for me — the oj^stermau 
turned into a statesman ! 

General. Ovid has not touched on such an astounding metamor- 
phosis — the glory will be all your own. 

Cod. That, with a hand in the hole through the mountains 

General. Precisely ; and daylight is gradually creeping through. 
I'll read the Secretary's letter— yes, thisis from Ned. (reads) "My 
dear Dash," observe the abbreviation, "My dear Dash, to do you a 
favor is simply gratifying my own inclinations. Tell your friend 
C," that's you, "his affair shall receive my earliest attention. Still 
breaking the hearts of the ladies ? " What follows is nonsense. He 
talks as familiarly to me — but he knows me, that's the secret, Cod. 
I'm no egotist. 

Cod. i) — n it, of course not. 

M/itei' Timothy. 

Tim. Mister Twaddle, the liar, is here. 

Cod. Show him in. [FiU Tim. as Twaddle entei's. 

Twad. Gentlemen, both, your servant, (rwsstfs f<? General) There's 
a fortune in the law for you. 

General (aside). I'll see to making one out of it. 

Twad. I'm here on a mission, and when a man has a mission he 
becomes a nuisance. 

Cod. Let us hear, Mr. Twaddle. 

Twad. I, that is we, Jenkins, Bunce & Twaddle, have a claim 
against the Eternal Salvation Insurance Company, of which you are 
at present the head. 

Cod. The party 

Twad. Is a woman whose husband has sunk into the bosom of 
the dark blue sea; but, poetry aside, he was drowned, and as the 
body has not yet been recovered, the company refuses to pay. 

Cod. Of course, that's the law. 

Twad. But she does not see why you cannot stretch a point, and 
have the money paid over at once. 

Cod. You could have 

Twad. To convince you of the feasability of her plan, she forced 
me to accompany her here. 

General (anxiouslij). Who — or what miglit this party's name 
be ? 

Twad. The defunct, or supposed defunct, was known on earth as 
Absalom Bangs. 

General (aside). 'Tis she ! I'm lost ! 

Twad. The applicant is Lis relict, Dorothy Bangs. Can nothing 
be done till the body's recovered ? 

General (alurmed) . The body recovered ! 

Cod. And identified; then the coroner's jury niuct take the matter 



80 A GKEAT SUCCESS. 

up, and endeavor to find out how Bangs made his exit— by accident, 
by the hands of another, or by his own. 

General {nervously). Is it supposed he 

TwAD. Anything may be supposed from his character. He was a 
devilish tough customer, though a smart one, they say. 

GifiNEiiAL. You l^new him ? 

TwAD. Excuse me, no. I had it from his wife, who is quite a 
lively little woman, though careless with her tongue. On the way 
she talked me to sleep, and roused me a§ain to hear her out. 

Cod. AVheie is she ? 

TwAD. Here, in your house. 

GENERAii {ill great alarm). What— v,' here did you say ? 

TwAD. Good gracious , my nerves— you're excited. 

General. Merely curious. You said the 

TwAD. Lady is now in this house. 

General {musing). True. 

Cod. Twaddle, you could have told her 

TwAD. But would she believe me ? Perhaps you can convince 
her, {going as if to bring her in.) 

General. Not yet, not yet. Gentlemen, excuse me, I have an 
urgent engagement. 

Cod. And so liave I. 

TwAD. What— frightened ? 

General {assuming careless air). I'll tell j'ou a secret; but mum. 
I was once bit by a widow; ever since I couple the name with mad 
dog and endeavor to keep out of their way. Don't laugh, we all 
have our foibles. 

Cod. Always above board and full of glee. {^Exit General. 

Twad. We differ there, for blow me il' I can fathom him. (Twad- 
dle goes out and returns icith Mrs. Bangs, Mrs. Codling follows, 
Phillis behind. ) 

Twad. {aside to Codling). Here is your visitor in weeds. 

Mrs. Bangs. Which is the gentleman ? AVliere's Mr. Codling ? 

Cod. I am the individual. 

Mrs. B. How de do, sir ? Oh dear, I'm mighty glad to sec you. 
X suppose you have heard of my great afHiction ? 

Cod. You allude to the death 

Twad. Of the late lamented Absalom Bangs. 

Mrs. B. Oh dear, what sorrov/s this world has in store for us. 
{turning to Mrs. C.) And so I was goin' to tell you, ma'am, I alwMys 
had an idea that Bangs— poor Bangs— excuse this emotion, — would 
come to an untimely end. For that reason I laid by a plain suit of 
black, to be ready at a momsnt's notice. 'Tis not exactly the thing, 
you know ; 'tvv^as made when short 'C\-as the fashion ; but in this ex- 
tremity of sorrow 'tvv ill do. And so, ma'am, I always kept the in- 
surance paid up, because he was thoughtless, poor de!^r, and so he 
was, and never would count the dolla-s while spending them. 

Cod. Madam, you've done a very wise thing. 

Mrs. B. But now he is gone, and a more beautiful pair of whisk- 
ers v/ere never seen on a man, as I told Mr. Tiddlc. 

Twad. Tvvraddle, madam, of Jenkins, Bunce & Twaddle. 

Mrs. B. 'Tis nothing to lose a husband, if he dies quietly in bed ; 
but to drop into the sea like a fish 

PniL. {aside). Ole missus got her match dis time. 
Mrs. B. {to Mrs. C.}. Oh, hovf would you feel, ma'am, if your 
dear Codling dropped into the ocean ? 



A GREAT SUCCESS. ^^ 81 

Cod. She'd draw the insurance money, and dream of other fish. 

Mrs. B. And he was going West to make his fortune, when the 
spirit medium drcA^ him off ; and every one Ivuoavs 'twas the first 
spat we had. Ob, 'twould do your heart good to see him last parade 
thiv, a-commanding the militia of our town. 

TwAD. Remember, i\Irs. Bangs, all the men are not dead. 

]\Irs. B. Marry a man while in black, tears in my eyes and lead in 
my heart, my aftections washed away by the waves ? 

TwAD. Just so ; if wc could find the body there would be no 
trouble. 

Mrs. B. It's too bad, and I having everything fixed for the reception 
of the ashes of the famil}^ Such a beautiful silver casket as I bought 
at Ihe auction, with a shelf for each of us, and now what's the good 
of it ? How can we get the ashes out of the sea ? (GENERAii 'peeps 
ilivouqli u-indow at back, Mrs, B, (jets a glimpse of him and scrmms) 
Oh, I shall faint. 

All. What's the matter ? 

Mrs. B. Give me air. I haye seen things before. 

TwAD. Be calm, 

Mrs. B. It's the poor dear's ghost as he looked on parade. 

TwAD. She's vrandering— a little rest 

Mrs.*B. But I can't stay alone. Oh, Mr. Tiddle 

TwAD. Twaddle, ma'am. 

Mrs. B. Don't leave me ; I'm afraid of my shadow. 

Mrs. C. {to Cod.). We must get rid of this woman, . 

Cod. She'll drive us all mad. 

Mrs. C. Pack her back to the city. 

Mrs. B. Pray, Mr. Ti — waddle, support me. 

TwAD. But you're not as light as a feather. 

Mrs. B. Light as a feather I no wonder ; I haven't eaten a moi-sel 
since morning. Oh, Mr. Tiddle 

TwAD. {indignantly). Twaddle, madam. [^Exeunt all but Phillis. 

Phil. Dat woman beats all de folks ever I seed. Talk, talk, talk 
— rattle, rattle, rattle, an' no sense abouf it ; worse as a field nigga. 
La, Miss Tildy I 

Enter Matilda. 

I've gone a'most clean crazy. 

Mat. What troubles you, Phillis ? 

Phil. Dat 'oman in de black alpaker gubbed me de nowalgy — her 
tongue goed like a machine. 

Mat, You're growing delicate. 

Phil. I wants to go liome. An' I tell you, you'd better quit foolin' 
wid dese lierc men. Chile, dar ain't none o' dem like Masta Walter. 

Mat. Phillis, you talk too much. 

General looks cautiously in at back windoic, and ilien enters. 

Gekeral {ill a loiD, nerwus wice). Miss Hartly ! 

Phil, {aside). He thinks he's great 'cause he"'s milingtary, but he 
could'n take my eye. 

General {motions Phillis to leave). I have a few words to say to 
you of a private nature. 

Phil, {aside). I'm agoin' to keep my eye on dis. / 

Gkneral, The fact is, JMiss Hartly [Exit Phillis. 

Mat. Your pardon, I was listless. __ 



33 A GREAT SUCCESS. 

GexeFvAt>, Urgent business calls me suddenly away. 

Mat. Indeed ! 

General. I am loath to leave a house where I have spent the 
happiest hours of my life. 

Mat. Then why not remain ? 

General. Because I — the truth is, and I speak it solely for 3'our 
ear, business of great importance calls me to Europe. 

JMat. What a delightful trip ! 

General. Most unfortunate, as I feel just now. Miss Hartly, it 
is unnecessary for me to dilate on a subject that is easier felt than 
described. 

Mat. Really, I do not understand. 

General {looking cautious!// about). Dear lady, to leave this house 
would not cause me one pang of regret, hut there is a rose that 
blooms here at present, which is destined to brighten my pathway 
through life, or doom me to misery forever. 

Mat. Still you speak in riddles. 

General {rushing toicards her). You are the rose, oh sweetest of 
women, more precious to me than all other hopes realized. 

Mat. Sir, you take a liberty 

General. The devotion of a life, lifted above the vulgar crowd 
by its own exalted aspirations ^ 

Mat. You misunderstand my position and your own. 

General {goes to door and looks about, aside). Had I the ticld clear; 
but I'll not be driven from my purpose without a struggle, {aloud) 
Consider, Miss Hartly, 'tis not so much my audacity as^our unpar- 
alleled attractions. 

Mat. Sir, we'll speak no more of this. 

General {following). Two hundred thousand ! — troops could not 
drive away my love and admiration, {again ncrmnsly looking about) 
Here, on my knees, I olTer my renown, my fortune, and my heart. 
{startled hg noise of some one approaching) By the holy martyrs. I'm 
lost ! {rushes out at one door as Beach enters at another.) 

Mat. Walter I 

Beach. Yes, unwelcome as I am. 

Mat. Surely, you jest. 

Beach. Is it a jes to find the heart one values dearer than his life 
the plaything of every vulgar ruffian ? 

Mat. Are j-ou serious ? 

Beach. To be laughed at as a credulous fool. 

Mat. {aside). I've gone too far. {(doxid) Hear me. Walter 

Beach. I know how readily words can be used to justify our 
meanest actions. 

Mat. Is this your love ? 

Beach. I am not blind. 

Mat. But hear to reason. 

Beach. The eye's v;orth all the other senses. I do not care to 
possess a portion of that woman's affections, who is mistress of all 
mine. 

]\Iat. This is generous, manly, in kepping with 

Beach. The ciiaracter of w^omen. Not satisfied with the devotion 
of one loyal heart, they barter it for the empty praise of every shal- 
low fop who prides himself on the numlDcr of conquests he has 
made. 

Mat. How have I deserved this ? 

Be.^ch. I am a plain man, open and sincere. When I confess j 



A GREAT SUCCESS. _...^ 83 

love, it is not fancy; when I speak, my heart is in my tongue. I 
expected in return the same faith. I worshipped an ideal being, 
but the veil is lifted, and a form of common clay stands exposed. 

Mat. But listen — - 

Beach. My confidence is destroyed, my faith is gone. 

Mat. Unreasonable man, patience is at end; the world is open to 
us. You can have no claim on me. I should despise myself did I 
urge mine, {they separate as Mrs. Codling, Letitia, Tibbs and 
Alphonso enter.) 

Mrs. C. Dear Matty. I shan't tell you what Alphonso just said — 
so pretty. 

Mat. Pray don't, Mrs. Codling. 

Mrs. C. Child, what's the matter ? tears ! Alphonso, my son, 
come here. 

Mat. I am not well, {endeavors to move away, is pursued by Mrs. 
Codling with Alphonso.) 

Enter General, cautiously looking about. 

General {taking Mrs. C. aside, assumes easy manner and speaks 
in a subdued, confidential tone). One word, madam ; what has become 
of our friend in black ? 

Mrs. C. Still in the house, keeping up an excitement. I can't 
rest while she's here. 

General. Remove her at once. Consider the example to your 
children, the gloomy impressions they might receive from her mor- 
bid raving, and Letitia, whose mind is so sensitive • 

Mrs. C. I'm alarmed, of course; but Codling's such a goose, he'll 
not hear of her leaving before morning on account of the ghost. 

General. The ghost ! 

Mrs. C. Yes; her husband's peeping in at the window. 

General {aside). She saw me I {groans.) 

Mrs. C. Oh— ill ? 

General. Poor woman, I feel for her I First ghosts, next luna- 
tic asylums ! 

Mrs. C. Rich or poor, ghost or goblin, another night shall not see 
her in this house. 

General. Stick to that, Mrs. Codling. Be resolved and allow no 
false sentiment to jeopardize the peace of your family. When I re- 
flect on the contagious nature of this woman's hallucinations and 
that another step may lead to — madness 

j\Irs. C. She shall'leave to-day. Madness ! horrible ! 

General {aside). Prudence suggests absence till the storm sub- 
sides. 

Mrs. C. {to General, who is going off). General, a moment; Letitia 
would like to show you her sketch-book. (General approaches Le- 
titia, who turns her back on him.) 

General {aside). She shows me her train, 

Mrs. C. {to Alphonso, standing near Matilda, with face averted). 
Noodle, what do you mean by turning your back on the lady ? 

Alph. Tibbs says it looks so spooney to be tender on 'era. 

Mrs. C. Confound Tibbs— mind me ! {talks to Matilda.) 

General {moving toicards outlet). A hair may decide my fate. 
On one side, wealth, beauty and position ; on the other, discovery, 
poverty and disgrace ! 

Beach {quietly approaching him). In a reflective mood ? 



34 A GREAT SUCCESS. 

General. For a change it's pleasant at times. 

Beach. Ahvays, to a man of principle. 

General. Hm, ha I your insinuation 

Beach. Is meant for you. 

General. Sir, you're a character — witty and folemn. 

Beach {in a loio tone). I'm convinced you're a villain ! 

General {excitedly). How, sir ? 

Beach. And a coward. 

General. Dear boy, at times I am Job himself, but rouse me and 
the consequences may be terrible ! 

Bkach. Your threats are loud, but harmless. You are a coward 
and a villain ! 

General {raiding Ms toice and moving away). You cannot drag me 
to your level; I will not raise you to mine, {all come forward and sur- 
round General and Beach.) 

TiBBS {writes). An item ! {to Beach) I'll be your second. 

Beach. Your services will not be required. This gentleman, 
though a valiant warrior in times of peace, when the conflict sounds 
in his ears imitates tlie actions of a cur rather than those of the 
tiger, and fights his battles by barking ! 

Mat. {aside). Heaven forgive me ! 

General. Shall I shoot him through the heart, or carve him into 
pieces ? 

Mat. {nervously looking on). If you have any regard for me, leave 
this place. 

General. My honor impugned. 

Beach. Honor ! abuse of words. (General grows very much ex- 
cited, yet moves gradually toicards outlet.) 

M\T. This must be stopped, {aside.) 

General {to Mat.). Should I murder him in this place ? 

Mat. {imploringly goes toicard Beach, -io/w turns Ids hack on her, 
then goes to General, takes his arm). Oblige me by walking tliis 
way. 
[Exit toiih General, tcho looks hack and smiles derisively on Beach. 

Tiers. Smart girl; blood-shed prevented. Cheer up, you may yet 
find somebody to quarrel with. [All laugh and e.xeuni. 

Beach. Perfidious creature ! I must learn to despise her. {icallcs 
slowly off as curtain falls.) 

END OP second act. 



ACT III. 

SCENE J.— Hall in Codling's house. 

Enter Timothy. 

Tim. There's somethin' mystarious goin' on here, but I can't make 
out what it is, at all. The'Gineral left lasht night without sayin' 
loo to anybody, an' what's more, begor, nobody knows that he's 
gone, but meself. Then there's a rigular family fight goin' on be- 
tween the ould couple. Whist ! 



A GREAT SUCCESS. 35 



Enter Mr. and Mrs. Codling in angry altercation. 

Cod. I insist upon it ! I'll have my way once in my life. For 
twenty odd years I've been without a voice in this house. . 

Mrs. C. Your way. indeed ! When was there a day, Mr. Codling, 
since our marriage, that I have had my way ? Would I buy a 
calico dress or even discharge a servant, or — or — or do any tLing else, 
without consulting you ? 

CoD. Yes ; j'ou consulted, and then did as you pleased. 

Tim. Divil a lie in it. 

Mrs. C. Impertinent rascal ! leave here. 

Tim. {aside). Bad luck to me tongue, for 'fill ruin me. 

[Exit Timothy. 

Mrs. C. This is an example of your indulgence; you have made 
him your equal, and he thinks he is mine. 

Cod. If a gulf divides us, his actions can't bridge it — yours 
may. 

Mrs. C. To everybody else you are known as a good-natured 
man ; for me you have nothing but cruelty. I'm a woman and 
must bear it, of course. 

Cod. AYell, well ! you have said 

Mrs. C. After all, it's of very little consequence whom the dear 
innocent marries, since wives are treated less like companions than 
slaves. ■ 

Cod. In this I am absolute; she shall not marry the General, who. 
I dare say, does not want her, nor your friend Tibbs, who I am satis- 
fied does. As a strategic measure, on assuming command here, I 
have ordered the latter out of the house. 

Mrs. C. Ordered Tibbs out of this house ! shameful ! I could 
cry, but I sha'n't. Such a delightful young man, so elegant in his 
manners, so tender to Letitia, so dear to Alphonso, and besides, such' 
a genius 

Cod. For sponging on your dutiful son. 'Tis not three days since 
I heard j^ou denounce him. 

Mrs. C. I'll not offer another word. I humbly ask your pardon. 
Your selection I know will be excellent; some ploughman in the 
neighborhood, or an oysterman like yourself. 

Cod. Walter Beach, a sensible young man, whose father has set 
his heart upon the match, and I can see no reason to object. 

Mrs. C. But I do. If it was my last word, I'd object. My tender 
flower united to such a rough, clumsy 

Cod. Bosh, bosh ! 

Mrs. C. Can neither sing nor play, nor even dance a step. . 

Cod. A nice objection from an old woman of sixty odd. 

Mrs. C. If my mother was living, she would not "be sixty. I was 
the lauglung stock of my acquaintance for marrying an old man. 

Cod. Your acquaintance at that time was limited— the cabbage- 
man, the soft-soap-man and the trollop that made up the beds ! 

Mrs. C. You're a brute. 

Enter Alphonso, wlmpers to Mrs. Codlixo. 

Cod. {aside). I am a stranger to my children, the time for gaining 
their confidence is past — in the accumulation of wealth I have for- 
gotten my duty towards them. I know their faces and that is all 1 
My life's been a blunder ! 



36 A GREAT SUCCESS. 

Mrs, C. T am glad of it, 

Alph. I helped them on ; couldn't go back on Tibbs, 

Cod, Young man, after this, choose another companion or another 
house. Tibbs comes here no more. 

Alpit. Ecod, I didn't think you knew it; but news travels 

(Mrs. C. rushes to Mm and stops his mouth.) 

Enter Matilda. 

Mrs. C. Matilda, my dear, (to Alph.) Be cheerful and talk lively 
to her. 

Mat. I have had so delightful a time during my stay here, j^ou 
will not be surprised to hear me say that I regret leaving. 

Mrs. C, Why, child, you can't thing of leaving so soon ? 

Mat, Indeed I do, 

Mrs. C, At some time, but not 

Mat. To-day, 

Mrs. C. Do tell me, my dear, what has caused this sudden fit ? 

Cod, (aside to Mrs. C), Disgusted with you and your Adonis. 

Mat. It is not sudden, Mrs. Codling. After enjoying your genial 
hospitality and renewing old family friendships, I am anxiouslo re- 
turn. Besides, Phillis has begged so hard 

Mrs. C. You certainly don't consult her wishes ! 

Mat. She has been my companion from childhood. I have found 
her a faithful servant and an affectionate friend. 

Cod, (aside). I like that — she is a splendid young woman, 

Mrs, C, What will poor Alphonso do ? he'll grieve himself to 
death, 

Alph, (aside). Yes he will ! 

Cod. (aside). To what absurdities her hobby drives her ! 

Enter Beach, 

Beach, I regret that I am constrained to leave for home io-day. 
I have a letter Irom my father urging speed. 

Mrs, C, (aside). Lucky 1 

Alph, (aside). Good ! 

Cod, I regret your leaving, but it had to come. While here, j^ou i 
have won my esteem, I had hoped your father and I would crown 
a life long friendship by the union of our children. 

Beach. To be frank, Mr. Codling, my affections were centered 
on another. 

Cod, Were ? " 

Beach, The idol which I worshipped has been ruthlessly broken, 
but I am little prepared to set up another in its stead. 

Mat. (aside). How little did I know my heart ! 

Cod. Time is an infallible remedy for such wounds. If there is ■ 
no other impediment, my daughter 

Beach. I cannot think you wish to mock me. 

Cod. Mock you, sir ? 

Beach. Is it possible I am the first to break the news of your i 
daughter's elopement ? 

Cod. Surel}^ you are jesting ? 

Beach. I am more inclined to do anything else. 

Alph. (to Mrs. C). Watch him rave now — there's going to be 
fun. 



A GREAT SUCCESS. 37 

Cod. Goovl heavens ! can it be ? TTitli whom ? The General ? 
No, he could not be so base. 

Beach. Her companion, I am told, is Leonidas Tibbs. 

Cod. D— n him, he shall suffer for it. {to Mns. C.) Madam, this is 
some of your work. 

Alph. Mother knew nothing of it, for Tibbs said, as I helped 
them off in the carriage 

Cod. You helped tliem off ? 

Mus C. The poor bo}' is excited and don't know 

Cod. Silence, woman ! 

Alph. You all know Tibbs was my chum, and how could I go 
back on him ? 

CoD. {turniiiQ to Mrs. C). Can this be a son of mine ? (Mrs. C. 
turns aicay indUjnantUj) The crudest stroke of all. Patience, pati- 
ence, I need you now ! 

S^Exil Cod, follo'iced 6?/ Mrs. C. and xVlph. Matilda a7if? Beach are 
going off in opposite directions. Tliey move sloicly, liesitate, etc. 

lyiAT. {aside). Would that yesterday had never been ! 

Beach {aside). When passion subsides, how we regret its effects ! 

Mat. {aside). And yet to recall my words, pride restrains. 

Beach {aside). I'm resolved— I'll speak to her. 

I^Iat. {aside). Shall I throw away my happiness forever ? 

Beach. Miss Hardy ! 

Mat. Wal— Mr. Beach ! 

Beach. I am glad to lind you alone. I should violate my feelings, 
were I to leave here without endeavoring to make ameflds for my 
cruelty in a moment of frenzy. 

Mat. {aside). I l^egin to live again. 

Beach. I forgot in my selfishness that the affections are not the 
creatures of our will, that a passion cannot be forced where it is not 
felt. 

Mat. Pray desist ; you prolong my pain. 

Beach. It is meant in kindness. I wish to leave you with the 
feelings of a devotee, who though denied possession of the object 
which he worships, desires to retain an ideal in his heart that will 
serve to exclude all new-comers, and may render life tolerable, if not 
happy. 

Mat. If these are your sentiments 

Beach. If ! who could doubt them ? 

Mat. Then I am at fault. 

Beach. You alone— I say it with sorrow. As my love grew older, 
it grew holier. Yours wandered to other shrines. 

Mat. Never, never ! I erred in playing with so sincere a heart ! 

Beach. Have I deceived myself ? 

^Iat. I resolved to teach that insolent egotist a lesson that should 
change his opinion of our sex. Perhaps I v/ent too far. But how 
could you think so meanly of my judgment and estimate yourself 
so slightly, as to suppose I could feel more than contempt for such 
a man. 

Beach. The scales are falling. Yet v/lien on the point of quarrel- 
insT, you tenderly led him awa3^ 

Mat. You were blind to my motive. I removed danger from the 
man I — loved. 

Beach. I see it now. You are an angel, I a brute. Punish me as 
you will — I'll take poison from your hands. 

Mat. Forget the past. 



38 A GREAT SUCCESS. 

Beach, Bury it forever. Guide, I'll follow, {'hey embrace.) 
Enter Phillis, 

PniL. Good sign — I reckou dey'Jl be a-goin' liome soon. 

Mat. Phillis, what's that ? 

Phil, {giving letter). What de post-boy briaged, QLiT. rmtZi'.) 

Beach, Something in that disturbs you. 

Mat. No more secrets. Read ! 

Beach {reads). "My lovely Miss Hartly: That ubiquitous knave 
Beach, again thrusting himself forward, forced me to leave you in an 
unsatisfactory manner. Leaving business, and all other considera- 
tions behind in the true spirit of a lover, I iiave resolved to be at the 
station to-day at 3 p, m. Let me beg of j^ou most earnestly and de- 
votedly, to meet me there, when I can give 3^ou such convincing 
reasons, why our happiness would be advanced by a trip to Europe 
in to-morrow's steamer that I am already tempted to sign myself, 
yours, till death doth us part. Dasher.". 

Mat. What vile stuff this is, and a man wrote it ! 

Beach. Decide his fate. I think I'll murder him ! 

Mat. Easy — curb your anger. I'm the guide — we will punish 
him. 

Beach. Lay on your whip, I'll hold him. 

Mat. From the assurance of this letter, he is vain enough to ex- 
pect me. 

Beach. Well? 

Mat. {'points to Phillis). We'll send a substitute. 

Bkach. How ? 

Mat. She's about my height ; attired as I am, silent and veiled, 
who can tell ? 

Beach. And then ? 

Mat, Have eveiy member of this family present, and expose him 
publicly. 

Beach. My dull brain begins to comprehend— woman's wit, 
hurrah ! 

Mat. Ridicule is the only weapon with which to vanquish un- 
blushing effrontery like his. Follow me, Phillis. 

[Exeunt Beach and Mat, 

Phil, Dar's sum'in' up, I knows, {as she is about going off , Tim. 
rushes in.) 

Tim. Look out, I'm in a shtate of excitement . 

Phil. G'way, you Timuffy. [Exit Phillis. 

Enter Codling, excited. 

Cod . Tim, you scoundrel, where were you ? 

Tim, Whin, sur ? 

Cod, Never mind now. Are you cool ? Do you know where 
we are ? Do you know me ? Answer, you villain ! 

TlM. Begor, he's gone mad ! 

Cod, Why don't you go ? Quick ! What are you waiting for ? 

TiM. If you'll plaise to let me know 

Cod. Harness the gray mare at once ! Go ! 

Tim. Maybe you'd like to read this telygraph before shtartin'. 
{gives dispatch.) 

Cod. Something horrible, I expect ; misfortunes always crowd on 



I 



A GREAT SUCCESS. 39 

each other, {reads) "Keep an eye on Dasher, he is the man vi\\o last 
saw lianfljs alive. Will be at station by next train. Twaddle." 

Cod. Good heavens ! I knew it — calamity on calamity ! Harbor- 
ing a murderer, taking him to my bosom ! and what is worse, my 
money ! Tim, where is — oh, where is the General ? 

Tim. Shure, he left here lasht night, sur. 

Cod. Gone ! I'm ruined ! I'll be published to the world as an ac- 
complice,! My daughter absconded, a murderer in my bouse, my 
money gone ! D — n it, Tim, why don't you do something ? 

lExit Codling. 

Tim. Faith, it's gettin' warm in airnist. [^Exit Tim, after Mm. 

SCENE II. — Railroad station. Several persons passing over stage, 
fruit-venders, newsboijs, etc. Yf atchman at gate. 

Watchman. Everybody's in a hurr}^ Plent}^ of time, gentlemen 
— thirty minutes more. 

* Enter General . 

General {looks at watch). Two hours — the reply should be here. 
What if she sends none ? I should have pleaded morevvarmly; but 
no matter, it's done. And yet the prize is worth playing for — two 
hundred thousand dollars and an orphan ! {sees Watchman) My 
good man, when does the next train leave ? 

Watch. W^here to ? 

General. Anywhere ! An hour, two hours, a half 

W^ATCH. Yes. 

General. Yes what, man ? Aie you here as a sign-post, or to 
give information to travellers ? 

Watch. Kind o' half an' half — a little of each. 

General. Can you give a plain answer to a simple question ? 
When does the next train leave ? 

Watch. 3.45 sharp. Anything else ? 

General {looking off). Can it be ? No ! It is, by all that's won- 
derful, Tibbs and the little languishing Cod. {retires.) 

Enter Tiers and Letitia, in travelling garb. 

Let. Is this the place ? I'm so fatigued. 

Tibbs, I'm completely used up. 

Let. What if pa came upon us ? I know^ I should faint. 

Tibbs. I'm nervous, don't discoui age me. Last night j'ou spoke 
of having a stout heart. 

Let. I thought so when danger was far off. 

Tibbs. If your courage fails we're lost. 

Let. I confess myself a coward— it's expected that women 

Tibbs. All fancy, found only in novel.-^. Real life proves woman 

to have the nerve, while man {several travellers jmss) Can you tell 

me when the next train leaves ? lie's deaf. I'll try another, {puts 
the same question to others, but all are so hurried that none reply) All 
deaf ! This must be the mutes' holiday ! {advances to another jierson 
and recognizes General) The General ! turn your, back on him, he'll 
not know us. 

General {aside). Don't wish to be recognized— something up ! 
Ahem ! the old dodge — can't hear, {going up to them) Ah, this is a 
pleasure unlooked for. 



40 A GREAT SUCCESS. 

TiBBS {pretending surprise) General Dasher ! Letty, here is the 
General ! 

Let. {assuming indifference). Indeed ! 

General {aside). Must get them away at all hazards. 

TiBBS {aside to Let.). What can we say to him ? 

General. You are going to 

TiBBS. Why, yes, we are {to Let.) May as well make a clean 

breast of it. 

General. By the way, if you intend going further, there's but a 
slim chance of leaving to-day. The bridge over Gun creek has been 
washed away by a flood, so no trains leave before to-morrow. 

Let. To-morrow ! 

TiBBS. Oh, lord ! 

Let. We'll return. 

General {taking Tibbs aside). My dear boy, there is no use in 
trying to play upon me— I know the business you are on. 

Tibbs . Who told you ? 

General. Sir, I can see. I have more experience than you^ and 
wish to befriend j^ou. The greatest mistakes in life are made by 
turning back. On, on, is the w^atcluvord. Turn back, and you be- 
come an object of ridicule ; move on, and your forlunc is in your 
own keeping. 

Tibbs. Letty, my mind's made up. On, on, is the watchword, 
for back we shall not. 

Let. I'm weak — where's the smelling bottle ? 

General. Don't hesitate. Procure a conveyance at once, drive 
directly south to the Valley Railroad, and there you catch the five 
o'clock train for anywhere. 

Tibbs. We'll do it ! 

General. Two hours' ride. 

Tibbs. Come, Letty ! 

General. Lose no time, for your father is expected momentarily. 

Tibbs. The devil he is ! We'depend on you. 

General. Never fear me, my brave hearts, {exeunt Tibbs and 
Letitia) Ha, ha ! my resources in emergencies astonish me. {to 
Watchman) My good fellow, I'll be absent some seconds, in the 
meantime a lady may call here— my name is— AU, Fortune, thou 
art still my friend ! 

Enter Timothy and Phillis, wlio is closely 'ceiled and dressed same as 
Matilda. 

Tim. {aside). Be the powers, here he is ! I can hardly keep from 
laughin'. 

General. My dear angel ! the happiness of this moment is suffi- 
cient reward for a life of toil 1 

Tim {keeping General azM?/, and then aside to him). The craythur's 
near dead from sighing and moaning. Begor, 'tis wonderful what 
wimen 'ill do for the likes o' you. 

General. Your sorrovv^, dear Matilda, shall soon be at an end. 

Tim. {aside to him). Whist ! shure she's bashful. Take it aisy, for 
'tis plinty o' time you'll have aftherwards. 

General. I'll stand sentry over my treasure, like a miser watch- 
ing {aside) two hundred thousand dollars. 

Tim. {to him)- Faith, she made me promise to shtay wid her till 



A GREAT SUCCESS. - 41 

the thrain left, so she wouldn't be atlractin' atlintlon. (Phillis ac- 
cidentally shoxcs her features.) 

General. Sensible — you are right, 

Tim. Look what she's done tor you — lavin' the friends of her 
youth to run away like a thafe. 

General {to Tim.). You put it a little too strong, {to Piiillis) To- 
morrow we sail for Europe, and leave the carpers at home lo console 
each other with their own venom ! {she sighs.) 

Tim, Breakip' her heart ! If there's a room for ladies 

General, Thouohiful again, Tim. {attempts to conduct Phillis 
off, but T\M. farces him aioay, leads her in and returns) I'll be with 
yoLi straight, sweet one. {to Tim.) Your nation is noted for gallantry, 
tidelity and generosit3^ 

Tim. 'Tis thrue for you ! 

General. You haven't breathed this to anybody ? 

Tim. Shure, I'm not a fool ! 

General {gives money). Take this trifle, more as a token of 
what's coming, than reward for the past. 

Tim. Ah, but 'tis the fine gintleman you are, makin' all the wimen 
crazy, and ruouin' off wid the besht of 'cm. I v/ish I was a soger. 

General, The next war will see you a captain. 

Tim, The title I'd like. 

General. Yes, my Celtic friend, a title judiciously used, is a 
fortune. Keep a sharp look-out, I'll be absent but a few moments. 
{aside) I must reconnoitre. [^Exit General. 

Tim, Niver fear me. Well, bedad, the cutest o' them can be 
bate by the nathural wit of an honest woman. 

Watch. Paddy, my boy ! 

Tim, Och, to the divil wid you, and how do you know me name ? 

Watch. Is this party General Dasher ? 

Tim, The very same. 

Watch. No clanger of going without this, {pointing to room.) 

Ti.M. Sorra a bit. 

He-enter General, meets ALPnoNSO. 

Alph. Hello, General ! 

General. My gallant young friend, you're as hot as a furnace ! 
Ai.Pii. Whew ! I'm nothing to the old man — aint he hot, though 1 
• General. What's up— some disaster ? 
Alpii. Just Let. running off with my chum. 
General. A common occurrence. 
Alpii. Exactly my words, but that made him boil over. 

Enter Mrs. Codling, very much excited. 

Mrs. C. (looking about sees Alph ). Is this the way you treat your 
mother ? Is this your respect and gratitude ? Leave me in the 
public street alone, {sees General) Why. General ! 

Alph. {aside). I'm safe — she's on another tack. 

General. Delightful surprise, madam, {aside) The old vixen ! 

Mrs. C, We cai'ne off in a hurry ; in fact Letitia has 

General. She is now Mrs. Tibbs; so make yourself easy. 

Mrs. C. Poor dear, she was driven to this by her father, who had 
the bad t9^ste to attempt forcing his friend's son. Waller Beach, on 
her. 



43 A GREAT SUCCESS. 

Alpe. He cnn't hold a candle to Tibbs. 

Mrs. C, We'll bo rid of him today. I'm glad of it. 

General. What ! Is he leaving ? 

Mrs. C. We were all mortified by his conduct towards you. 

General. Nothing. The forbearance I then showed him is a 
matter of principle with me. But Miss Ilartly 

Mrs. C. Remained at home. Alphouso ! 
• General {adde). Doesn't dream the bird's flown. 

Alph. Well, what then ? 

Mrs. C. Run to tlie ticket office, find when the next train leaves, 
and who went on tlie last — glance over the hotel register. Thiy 
must be found before j^our father comes up. 

General {nervously). Is Mr. Codling here too ? 

Mus. 0. We expect him immediately. 

General (aside). For means to leave these friends. 

Mrs. C. Alphouso, why do'you wait ? 

General. I'll .-^ave him the trouble. Your daughter is now some 
five mil-s from here. There is but one way to catch up with her. 

Mrs. C. One way — name it. 

General. Procure a fast team, drive twenty miles directly 
north 

Mrs. C. Twenty miles ! 

General. To the Ten-mile Junction 

Mrs. C. Ten-mile Junction ! 

General. Then follow the bend of the river till you come to a 
station called Squashville 

Mrs. C. Squashville ! 

General. Where you will meet the five o'clock train, which, no 
doubt, takes your runaways there. 

Mrs. C. I'm so much obliged. 

General. Madam, don't mention it. (aside) Put them thirty miles 
apart. 

Mrs. C. Come, Alphonso, your father must not see them before 
we do. 

Alph. Father mustn't hurt Tibbs. 

[Exeunt Mrs. C and ALPnoNso. 

General. Dividing the enemy, lawful warfare; but another such 
difhculty may ruin me. Cod must be avoi(ied. (looks at waicJi) 
Thirty more minutes ! What a d— d inexorable monster time is 
when we wish to increase his speed ! Tim ! 

Tim. (wlio Jiad retreated on seeing Alphonso awtZ Mrs. C, comes for- 
ward ). Here 1 am, sur. 

General. I must speak with Miss Hartly alone. 

Tim. Not yet, yer honor. 

General. I must ! 

Tim. Me word is pledged. 

GENERAL. Put you know, as a war measure — '■ — 

Tim Peace or war, yer honor, I'll have to f-htick to me word. 

GenepvAl (aside). A mastiff, (passes toward Watchman) But no 
lime to dispute. 

Tim. (motions Watchman to keep Gb^eral aicaT/ from door, aside). 
Now to bring the ould lady back. [Exit Tim. 

General. Minutes are Avorth thousands. I must leave with my 
treasure, (to Watchman) I want a special train within ten minutes. 

Watch. A short time. 

General. Years to me— money's no object . Whom shall I see ? 



A GREAT SUCCESS, 43 

Watch. The superintendent. 

General. Where is he ? 

Watch. In Europe. 

Gkni^ral. This is no answer ! I'm accustomed to be obeyed. 

Watch. 'Twould be easier to v/alk where you intend going than 
hire a. special train to-day. 

General. 13ut I must have it — lives and fortunes — the public busi- 
ness demands it. (looks off) Who comes this way so rapidly ? Cod, 
by all that's unfortunate ! 

As Codling enters, General attempts to go ojf throKgh gate, is stopped 
by Watchman, in turning round ahruptly, runs against QoT>i.i:sQr, 
then turns Ids back on Codling and remains motionless. 

Cod. {to Yv^'atchman). Belong here ? certainly ! Can you — whew 5 
how hot it is ! 

Watch. Keep cool, sir, you'll live longer. 

Cod. I want to ask you, but wait; what a dust ! wait till my 
breath comes. Have you noticed {vieios General more atten- 
tively) Who is this ? It can't be ! (draws gradually closer until he looks 
e?i General's /«^e) It is, God bless me, General Dasher, (starts back.) 

General (affecting surprise). My dear Cod, you were just in my 
thoughts. I was longing for the delicious luxuries of your rural 
paradise. Ah, sir, you are a happy man. Content and prosperity 
are the ruling deities in your household. 

Cod. (aside). Tiie old game; but I'll not be bamboozled out of my 
money in this fashion, (cdoud) Just now I have considerable cause 
for uneasiness. 

Cod. Ah, yes, your daughter; what a pity ! I saw her happy as 
youth and delusive hope could make her. 

Cod. She's looked after — a detective has the affair in hand. 

General (aside). The sky is lowering ! 

Cod. (aside). I'll sound him on the stock question before it is too 
late, (aloud) Financial affairs at present are on the decline, eh ? 

General. Looking up, sir; I'm no prophet, but I'll wager a thou- 
sand to one this Avill jje the most prosperous year in the last twenty. 

Cod. (moves aicay nervously as the GBSTLUAijaj^proaches him). Ahem! 
perhips. I intended speaking to you about that stock in the Rocky 
Mountain Tunnel and Pneumatic Raihoad. 

General. Exactly; and apropos, I have another letter from Ned. 
The affair for your son is settled, his commission will be here by ne.vt 
mail; and for yourself in place of the Japanese embassy, 5'ou can 
jump into the collectorship of your own district — means money, Cod, 
an African diamond field ! 

Cod. (aside). Can this be true ? 

General. There's more news ! 

Cod. (aside). If so, why let the paltry thousand go. 

General. There will be a vacancy in the cabinet by Thursday — 
I'm named for the position; but mum. 

Cod. You'll accept ? (aside) Twaddle's wrong. 

General. Give up those magnificent enterprises, which without 
the brain that set them in motion may tumble to the ground ? Not I. 

Cod. Tumble — just so. I hold such a variety of stocks, that I— in 
fact I 

Gener.al (aside). Something in the wind. 

Cod. I thought of parting with the tunnel for, say, t.wenty off» 



44 \ A GEEAT SUCCESS. 



V. 



General {icith assumed indignation). Heretofore you have treated 
me as a gentleman — I deserve no less ; why then do you cast an im- 
putation on my character, by attempting to bribe me to do yourself 
an injustice. Sir, if you wish to p irt with it, I shall write you a 
check for the full amount, with ten per cent, added. 

Cod. {aside). Twaddle is certainly mistaken. 

General. I am grieved, my dear fiiend 

Cod. Think no more of it — money's tight, but I can manage. 

General (aside). Bluff's the game ! 

Enter jMrs. Codling, Alpronso, Tiers and Letitia, foUoiced by 
Tim. unohscrved by General. 

General (aside). All my strategy overthrown ! 

Mrs. C. (io Cod.). Now don't scold the poor dears. 

Cod. Woman, be quiet. 

TiBBS (kneels with Let, and speaJcinr/ in melo-dramatic style). We 
ask your pardon and your blessing. I'll call you father ! 

Cod. And I'll call you puppy. 

Let. Oh, pa, don't be so cruel. 

Mrs. C. Don't, dear husband. 

Cod. (to Let.). Where were your eyes ? Have you lost all your 
senses ? Run away with such a man of straw, a thing to hang 
clothes on — a barber's advertisement ? 

Alph. Father, you know Tibbs is my chum and I'm bound to 
stand by him. 

Cod. You'll stand for nobody if I catch you. (runs after Mm.) 

Gen>2Ral (aside). My hope's in lightning speed and an interview 
wit^i the treasure, (rjoes toicards the door, is stopjied. by Tim., ichen cm 
altercation in dumb slioio ensues.) 

Mrs. C. Now my dear, Codling, take the doves to your bosom. 
You forget the efforts you once made to induce me 

Cod. D— n it, madam, there is nothing connected wdth that to con- 
template pleasantly. 

General (aside). The train's arrived ! 

Enter Twaddle 2cith Officer. 

Tw^ad. Well met, ladies and gentlemen, your most obedient ' 

(sees General) Ah, there's our man ! Officer, arrest him ! 

All. The General ! 

Cod (aside). What an idiot I was ! 

General (assumed indifference). What pleasantry is this, Mr. 
Twaddle ? You astonish our friends. 

TwAD. The law has a claim on you, and the firm of Jenkins, 
Buuce & Twaddle has taken charge of the claim. 

Gkneral (aside). An outpost without a sentinel ! (great commotion.) 

TwAD. You are the person who last saw Absalom Bangs alive ; 
you have chosen to give one version of his death ; the law assumes 
another. 

General. Yv'hy, my little Twaddle, you are jesting. 

TwAD. Too serious for that, iTou ate charged with murder ! 

All. Murder ! (shrinking back from General.) 

TwAD. Is Leonidas Tibbs present ? Yes. You are the party who 
furnished the press with an account of Bangs' death ; whence came 
the information ? 

Tibbs. Yvom General Dasher. 



A GREAT SUCCESS. 45 

TwAD. Yoli siiy you were nn eye-witness 

General (asid'e).^ Of my own dealli ! 

TwAD. You admit 

General (aside to Twaddle). Absalom Bangs lives ! 

TwAD. Prove it and you are safe. 

General. I am Bangs ! 

TwAD. You ! Good ! but won't win. I am prosecutor in this 
case. 

General (forcing laugliter). Ha, ha ! can't you take a practical 
joke ? 

TwAD. I am after facts. 

General. I can overwhelm you with proofs. 

TwAD. Reserve your ammunition. There is a party at hand who 
knew him. (to officer) Keep an eye on your prisoner. 

[Exit Twaddle. 

Gnneral (aside). Leaped too high ; but all may yet be well. 

Mrs. C. (to company, tolto remain at one side of stage). He might 
have killed us all. 

Tibbs. He is fearful to look at. 

Alph. Father, that trip to Naples is spoiled. 

Cod. Be quiet. What an ass I w^as ! 

Alph. How about the Japanese embassy ? 

General (to officer). Who is the party at hand ? 

Cod. (advancing toumrds General, the others endeavoring to hold 
him back). I'll still take twenty off on Pneumatic. 

General (going towards Cod., icho retreats). Don't be alarmed, my 
dear Cod ; all a mistake, I assure 3^ou. 

Enter Twaddle and Mrs. Bangs. 

General, Horror ! defeat and ruin I (hides behind officer.) 

TwAD. Cast your eye, madam, over this assemblage. Can you dis- 
cover an old acquaintance ? 

Mrs. B. (looking carefully from one to the other, rests her eye on the 
General, and starts). His ghost again ! 

TwAD. My case is spoiled. 

Mrs. B. It is, it is Absalom ! Oh, and what did you go and die 
for ? Lord ! and this is you, the same as you left me that day, with 
your blessing, and only a five-dollar bill in the house. Oh, how 
could you go for to do it ? 

CoD. What a monster ! 

Mrs. C. (to Let.). You made a narrow escape. 

Cod. 'Twas not your fault. 

TiBBS. You played it fine. General. 

General. General no more ; I resign my commission. 

Mrs. B. Ain't you a full major in the Jersey militia ? 

Tim. (in a loud mice to General). The thraiu is about lavin'. What 
of the lady ? 

Gbneral (to him). Mum— drop it. 

Mrs. B. What lady ? AVhcre is she ? 

Tim. She'll be here in a jiffy. 

General. Tim, you scoundrel ! (attempts to stop Trsi, icho runs out.) 

Be-enter Tim. icith Phillis, xdkd aa before. 

All. Matilda Hartly i 
Let. I thought so. 



^S ^^ ^ A GREAT &UCCESS. 

Mrs. C. I knew it ! no wonder. Alplionso was lucky. (General 
endeavors to reach Tim, but is held hack bij officer.) 

Tim. Ladies and gintlemen, this lady came here under my care, at 
the General's request, an' since she's found out ho has a wife she 
wants to give up all claims on him. 

Enter Beach arxl Matilda. 

Mrs. C, Another sensation ! {all look ctstomshed.) 

General {aside). A new card in the deck ! 

Mrs. B. Bangs, Bangs, hovv^ could you go for do it, and the woman 
alive that you swore to protect ? {rushes on Phillis, tears veil off; 
she stands exposed. All laugh.) 
■ General. Sold, and well done. 

Phil, {to Mrs. B.). You need'n fret ; I would'n have him nohow. 

Mat. {to General). Owing to a previous engagement with this 
gentleman, {jointing to Beach) I was forced to s'cnd a deputy. 

General. Go on ; I'm a subject for ridicule. 

Mrs. C. {aside). The deceitful hussy ! 

Beach {to. General). In the meantime, we've concluded to make 
the journey of life together. 

Cod. a sensible pair. 

Phil. Jis what I say. 

Mat. Though we can't sail for Europe to-morrow. 

General. I'm an absolute failure as a fraud. Should I attempt 
soaring again, my wings shall be tipped with the nnfading lustre of 
truth, {all shake their heads) You naturally doubt my sincerity. 

Cod. Every swindler, when caught, makes the same profession. 

TwAD. And forgets it at the first opportunity. 

Mrs. B. Now, Mr. Tiddle, don't be too hard on him. 

TwAD, Twaddle, if you please. 

General. My resolution to reform gains no credit here, {address- 
ing audience) I appeal to the generosity of a magnanimous public. 

TwAD. And I, as public prosecutor, emphatically demur. 

All jMale Characters. And I — and I. 

Mrs. B. Before a jury of women I know poor Bangs 

]\Iat. {coming forward). I give my voice for acquittal. Ladies, 
relent. 

Mrs. C. Add mine. Daughter, forgive him. 

Phil. I goes wid do rest. 

TiBBS. SodoL 

TwAD. {to Cod.). All the wom.en have spoken. 

Cod. All the women ! ha, ha ! very good. But my money I 

Alph. And my journey to Naples ? 

Tim. And me commission in the army ? 

Beach. Those you have most Injured are the first to forgive. 

General. The dear creatures 1 I have always been happy among 
them. 

Mrs. B. Bangs, Bangs ! that's been your trouble. 

General. But never shall be again 1 To cancel the past by an 
earnest endeavor to make our humble home happy, shall be the sole 
object of my future existence 1 In this modest but laudable struggle 
I may yet prove A Great Success I 

CURTAIN. 



DE MTxTT'S 

ETHIOPIAN AND COMIC DRAMA. 



" Let those lancih iio-.v who never lan.irhed before, 
And those who always laughed uow'luugh tlie more," 

2Iothing so thorough and complete in the way of Ethiopian and Comic Dramaa< 
L fisy ever been printed as those that appear in the following list. Not only are th».j 
l^piois excellent, the characters droll, the incidents fannj, the language huniorousj 
Ib.ic a',' ihe situations, by-play, positions, pantomimic business, scenery, and tricks 
are sc iylaluly set down and clearly explained, that the merest novice could pat 
any of tiiem on the stage. Included in this catalogue arc all the most lau/nabla 
and e3ecii\e pieces of their class ever produced. 

*^* In ordering, please copy the figures at the commencement of each play, 
which indicate the number of the piece in " Ds \Vitt's Ethiopian and Cojiio 
Pkama." 

22^ Any of the following plays sent, postage free, on receipt of pric^— 
15 Cents Each. Address, 

CLINTON T. DE WITT, 

Jfo. 33 Rose Street, JVew Fork. 



The figures In the colu-.nus indicate the nu:nber of characters — M. male^ 



'P. female. 



No. 
73. 
107. 

43. 

7i). 

42. 
C. 

10. 
11. 

40. 

78. 



2*. 

108. 

35. 

,41. 
12. 
53. 

63. 
110. 

til. 

50. 
04 



M. r. 

African Box, burlesque, 2 scene 5 
A^ricanus Bluebeard^ musical 

Ethiopian burlesque G 2 

Bihy Elephant, sketch, 2 scene 7 1 
Banioy's Courtship, musical 

intei\\de, 1 act 1 1 

Bad Whiskey, sketch, 1 scene. 2 1 
Black Ci>ap from Whitechapcl, 

negro peoe , 4 

Black Ciife'i:ist, sketch, 1 scene 3 
Black-ey'd William, sketch, 2 

scenes 4 i 

Big Mistako, sketch, 1 scene.. 4 

Bogus Indian, sketch, 4 scenes 5 2 
Bogus Talking Machines (The) 

farce, 1 scetie 4 

Braised and Cured, sketch, 1 

sceno ' 2 

Charge of the Hash Brigade, 

Irisu musical sketcli 2 2 

Coal n saver's Revenge, negro 

sketch, 1 scene 6 

Cremation, sketch, 2 scenes... 8 1 

Daguerreotypes, sketch, 1 scene 3 
Da^non and Pythias, burlesque, 

2 scenes 5 1 

Darkey's Stratagenv, 1 act — 3 1 
Do Black Magician, Ethiopian 

comicality, 1 scene 4 2 

Deeds of D irkncss, Ethiopian 

extravaganza. 1 act 6 1 

Draft (Tne), sketch, 1 act 6 

Dutchman's Ghost, 1 scene ... 4 1 



No, M. y. 

95. Dutch Justice, sketch, 1 gfjerje 11 

67. Editor's Troubles, farce, 1 F,ce. 6 

4. Eh ? What is It 'i sketch 4 1 

98. Elopement (The), farce, 1 scene 4 I 
52. Excise Trials, sketch, 1 scene. 10 1 
ko. Pel.ow that Looks Like Me, in- 
terlude, 1 scene . . 2 .■* 

51. Fisherman's Luck, 1 scene 2 Q 

8:1 First Night (The), Dutch farce, 

1 act 4 a 

lOG. Gambrmus, King of Lager 
Beer, Ethiopian burlesqu' 2 

scenes . ... g ) 

83. German Emigrant (The), sketch 

1 scene ..., 2 3 

77. Getting Square on the Call Boy, 

sketcli, 1 scene 3 Q 

17. Ghost (The), sketch, 1 act 2 

58. Ghost in a Pawnshop,- 1 scene, 4 Q 

31. Glycerine Oil, sketch 3 (I 

20. Going for the Cup, interlude.. 4 

82. Good Night's Rest, 1 scene. ..3 

80. Gripsack, sketch, 1 Gcene 3 

70. Guide to the Stage, sketch ... 3 C 

61. Happy Couple, 1 scene 2 1 

23. Hard Times, extravaganza, 1 

scene 5 J 

3. Hemmed In, sketch 3 i 

48. High Jack, the Heeler, 1 scentj 6 

CS. Hippotheatron. sketch 9 

71. In and Out, sketch, 1 scene... 2 
33. Jeslous Husband, sketch .... 2 1 
91. Julius, tho Saoozer, 3 scenes , 7 9 



m WITT'S ETHIOPIAN AlTD COHIO DBAMA (Continued). 






36. 

13. 
GJ. 

. 90.' 
139. 

l9o. 

: ici 



103. 



13. 
16. 

47. 

54. 
V)0. 
.102. 

31. 

2. 

104. 
5. 
£8. 
62. 
3S. 



Katrina's Little Game, Dutcli 

act, 1 scene 1 2 

Lust of the Mohicans, sketch., d 1 
L-iughing Gas, sketch, 1 scene. G 1 
Live Injiui, sketch, 4 scenes. . . 4 1 

l.o.->t Will, sketch 4 C 

Lucky Job, farce, 3 scenes 3 2 

Laaatic (The), farce, 1 scene.. 3 
Making a Hit, farce, 2 scenes . 4 
Maiicibus Trespass, 1 scene.... 3 
Midnight Intruder (The), farce, 

Isccne 6 1 

, Tilollie Moriarty, Irish music- 
al sketch, 1 scene 1 1 

]Muttou Trial, sketch. 2 scenes 4 
Musical Servant, sketch, 1 see. 3 
Night in a Strange Iloi-el, 

sketch, 1 scene 2 

Obeying Ordo'^. sketch 1 scene 2 1 
One jhutdredth Night of Ilani- 

let. sketch 7 1 

One Night in a Earroor.i, 

sketch 7 

Or.e, T\vo, Three, 1 scene 7 

Pete and the I'eddler, Negro 

and Irish sketch, 1 scene 2 1 

Policy Players, sketch, 1 scene 7 
Por.ipey's Patienis, interlude, 

2 scenes G 

Porter's Troubles, 1 scene G 1 

Port Wine vs. Jealousy, sketch 2 1 
Painter's Apprentice (The), 

farce, 1 scene 5 G 

Polar Bear (The), 1 scene 4 1 

Pecruiting Office, sketch, 1 act. 5 
liemittance from Home, 

sketch, 1 scene G 

Rehearsal (The), Irisa farce, 2 

scenes 4 2 

Eigging a Purchase, sketch, 1 

scene 3 

PJval Artists, sketch, 1 gccnc. 3 

Itival Tenants, sketch 4 

Sam's Courtship, farce, 1 act.. 2 1 

Sausage Alakers, 2 scenes 5 1 

Scenes on the Mississippi, 

2 scenes 6 

Scampini, pantomime, 2 scenes 6 3 
Serenade(The), sketch, 2 scenes 7 

Siamese Twins, 2 scenes 5 

Sleep Walker, sketch, 2 scenes 3 
Slippery Day. sketch, 1 scene. C 1 

Squire for a Day, sketch 5 1 

Stage-struck Couple, 1 scene.. 2 1 
Stranger, burlesciue, 1 scene... 1 2 

and 2 children. 
Stupid Servant, sketch, 1 5cene 2 'i 
Streets of New York, 1 scene , 6 

Storming the Fort, 1 scene 5 

Take it. Don't Take It, 1 scene 2 
T*iem Papers, sketch, 1 scene. 3 
Three Chiefs (The), 2 scenes ..60 
Three A. M., sketch, 2 scenes. 3 1 
Three Strings to One Bov.', 

sketch, 1 scene 4 1 

Tricks, sketch 5 2 

Two Awfuls (The), 1 scene.... 5 

Two Black Roses, sketch 4 1 

Uncle Eph's Dream, 2 scenes.. 3 1 
y inegar Bitters, sketch, 1 scene 6 T 
W akc Up, William Henry .... "; y 



No. H. r, 

cX Wanted, a Nurse, 1 scene.,.. c 4 
\5. Weston the .Walldst, Dutcli 

sketch, 1 scene 7 1 

O:. What Shall I Take ? farce, 1 act 8 1 

1^0, Who Died First ? H scevic 3 1 

C/. Who's the Actor? farce, 1 

scene 4 

fO. Wrong Woman iu the Right 

Place, sketc'-i, 2 scenes '. .. 2 2 

Co Young Scamp, sketch, 1 scene. 3 
m. The Coming Man, sketch, laci 3 j. 

113. Ambition, farce, 2 scene? 7 U 

114. One Night iu a Medical College, 

i?ketch, 1 scene 7 1 

115. Priv.ito Poarding, comedy, 1 

r;ceno .". 5 t 

IIG. Zacharias' Funeral, farce, 1 

• scene 5 

117. j\7otorBoliow?, comedy, 1 scone __ ' 

118. lI'Jl-^E's Funny Babies, bur- ' 

lcsc;u3 , S C 

119. My Wife's Visitor?, comic 

dramt\ 1 1 cene , 6 1 

120. Body SDMtchers (The), Negro 

sketch, fi scenes 'd 1 

121. Stocks Hp ; Stocks Down ) 

Negro fai 03, 1 scene ^- 

122. Ticket TakOi-, Negro farce, 1^ 

scene '5* 

123. The Inteilig('x.'ce Office, Ethio- 

l)ian sketch, V ricene f 3 

121. Deaf as a i'^oi.1% Eihiopian 
' sketch. 1 scei\e f G 

125. Oh. Hush ! Neg"o Operatic 

Olio, 3 scenes 4 1 

126. Black Statue, N<'fr''0 farce, 1 

scene 4 i 

12r r.liuks fl-nd* Jiirk? lt!]thiopiy,u 

ske'.ch, 1 scene 3 1 



DE ^A^ITT'S ACTING PLAYS (Continued). 



No. 

144. 

U. 
137. 
Ill, 
119. 
165. 

48. 

32. 
164. 
109. 

85. 

8?. 
143. 
189. 
163. 
154. 



-7. 

49. 

15. 

46. 

51. 
184. 
108. 



130. 
93. 
193. 

140. 

115. 
2. 

57. 
104. 
112. 
185. 

84. 
117. 

171. 
14. 

173. 
176. 
90. 
170. 



97. 



M. F. 

3 
2 
5 
2 
5 
2 
4 
3 



Lancashire Lass, melodrama, 5 acts. 12 
Larkins' Love Letters, farce, 1 act.. 3 

L' Article 47, drama, 3 acts 11 

Liar (The), comedy, 2 acts 7 

Life Chase, drama, 5 acts 14 

Living Statue (The), farce, 1 act. . . . 3 
Little Annie's Birthday, farce, 1 act. 2 

Little Rebel, farce, 1 act 4 

Little Ruby, drama, 3 acts 6 

Locked In, comedietta, 1 act 2 

Locked In with a Lady, sketch, 1 act. 1 

Locked Out, comic scene 1 

Lodgers and Dodgers, farce, 1 act.. 4 
Leap Year, musical duality, 1 act. . . 1 

Marcoretti, drama, 3 acts 10 

IMaria and Magdalena, play, 4 acts . 8 
Marriage at Any Price, farce, 1 act. 5 
Master Jones' Birthday, farce, 1 act. 4 

Maud's Peril, drama, 4 acts 5 

Midnight Watch, drama, 1 act 8 

Milky White, drama, 2 acts 4 

Miriam's Crime, drama, 3 acts 5 

Model of a Wife, farce, 1 act 3 

Money, comedy, 5 acts 17 

Mr. Scroggins, farce, 1 act 3 

Mr. X., farce, 1 act 3 

My Uncle's Suit, farce, 1 act 4 

My Wife's Diary, farce, 1 act 3 

My Wife's Out, farce, 1 act 2 

My Walking Photograph, musical 

duality, 1 act 1 

Never Reckon Your Chickens, etc., 

farce, 1 act 3 

New Men and Old Acres, comedy, 3 8 

Nobody's Child, drama, 3 acts 8 

Noemie, drama, 2 acts 4 

No Name, drama, 5 acts 7 

Not a Bit Jealous, farce, 1 act 3 3 

Not So Bad as We Seem, play, 5 act3.l4 3 

Not Guilty, drama, 4 acts 10 6 

Not Such a Fool as He Looks, drama, 

3 acts 5 4 

Nothing Like Paste, farce, 1 act 3 1 

No Thoroughfare, drama, 5 acts and 

prologue 13 6 

Off the Stage, comedietta, 1 act. ... 3 3 
On Bread and Water, farce, 1 act. , . 1 2 

Only a Halfpenny, farce, 1 act 2 2 

Only Somebody, farce, 1 act 4 2 

One too Many for Him, farce, 1 act. 2 3 

£100,000, comedy, 3 acts 8 4 

Orange Blossoms, comedietta, 1 act. 3 3 
Orange Girl, drama, in prologue 

and 3 acts 18 4 

Ours, comedy, 3 acts 6 3 

Our Clerks, farce, 1 act 7 5 

Our Domestics, comedy farce, 2 acts 6 6 
Our Heroes, military play, 5 acts. . .24 5 
Out at Sea, drama in prologue and 

4 acts 16 5 

Overland Route, comedy, 3 acts 11 5 

Peace at Any Price, farce, 1 act 1 1 

Peep o' Day, drama, 4 acts 12 4 

Peggy Green, farce, 1 act 3 10 

Petticoat Parliament, extravaganza, 

in one act 15 24 

Photographic Fix, farce, 1 act 3 2 

A COMPLETE 



No. 



Plot and Passion, drama, 3 acta. . 
Poll and Partner Joe, burlesque, 1 

act 10 

Poppleton's Predicaments, farce, 1 3 
Porter's Knot, drama, 2 acts. 

Post Boy, drama, 2 acts 5 

Pretty Uorse-Breaker, farce, 1 act. . 3 
181 and 182. Queen Mary, drama, 4 acte.38 
157. Quite at Home, comedietta, 1 act. . . 5 
196, Queerest Courtship (The), comic op 

eretta, 1 act 1 

Race for a Dinner, farce, 1 act 10 

Richelieu, play, 5 acts 16 

Rightful Heir, drama, 5 acts 10 

Roll of the Drum, drama, 3 acts. ... 8 

Ruy Bias, drama, 4 acts 12 

Rum, drama, 3 acts 7 

Rosemi Shell, travesty, 1 act, 4 

scenes 6 

School, comedy, 4 acts 6 

79. Sheep in Wolf's Clothing, drama, 1 7 

37. Silent Protector, farce, 1 act 3 

35. Silent Woman, farce, 1 act 2 

43. Sisterly Service, comedietta, 1 act.. 7 
6. Six Months Ago, comedietta, 1 act. 2 
10. Snapping Turtles, duologue, 1 act. . 1 

26, Society, comedy, 3 acts 16 

78. Special Performances, farce, 1 act.. 7 
31. Taming a Tiger, farce. 1 act 3 

150. Tell-Tale Heart, comedietta, 1 act. . 1 
120. Tempest in a Teapot, comedy, 1 act. 2 
146. There's no Smoke Without Fire, 

comedietta, 1 act 

83. Thrice Married, personation piece, 

lact 

42. Time and the Hour, drama, 3 acts . 

27. Time and Tide, drama, 3 acts and 



138. 



95. 



132. 
183. 

38. 

77. 

13. 
194, 
195, 

158. 



K.r. 

7 2 



8 2 



1 
1 
5 
3 

3 
2 1 

1 8 



prologue 7 5 

133. Timothy to the Rescue, farce, 1 act. 4 2 
153. 'Tis Better to Live than to Die, 

farce, 1 act 2 1 

134. Tompkins the Troubadour, farce, 13 2 
29. Turning the Tables, farce, 1 act. ... 5 3 

168. Tweedie's Rights, comedy, 2 acts.. 4 2 

126. Twice Killed, farce, 1 act 6 3 

56. Two Gay Deceivers, farce, 1 act 3 

123. Two Polls, farce, 1 act 4 4 

198. Twin Sisters (The), comic operetta, 

lact 3 1 

162. Uncle's Will, comedietta, 1 act 2 1 

106. Up for the Cattle Show, farce, 1 act. 6 2 

81. Vandyke Brown, farce, 1 act 3 3 

124. Volunteer Review, farce, 1 act 6 6 

91. Walpole, comedy, 3 acts 7 2 

118. Wanted, a Young Lady, farce, 1 act. 3 

44. War to the Knife, comedy, 3 acts. . . 5 4 

105. Which ofthe Two? comedietta, lact 2 10 

98. Who is Who? farce,. 1 act 3 2 

12. Widow Hunt, comedy, 3 acts 4 4 

5. William Tell with a Vengeance, 

burlesque .....8 2 

136. Woman In Red, drnma, 3 acts and 

prologue ; 6 

161. Woman's Vows and Mason's Oaths, 

4acts 10 4 

11. Woodcock's Little Game, farce, 2 4 4 

54. Young Collegian (Cantab.), farce, 13 3 
DESCRIPTIVE CATALOGUE 



of DE IVITT S ACTING PLAYS AND DE WITT^S 

ETHIOPIAN AND COMIC DRAMAS , containing Plot, Costume, Scenery, 
Time of Representation and every other information, mailed free and post paid. 



LIBRARY OF 




HOW TO MAMaE 
AMATEUE THEATRICALa 



Being plain instructions for construction and arrangement of Stage, 
making Scenery, getting up Costumes, ^'■Making U])" to represent 
different ages and characters, and liow to produce stage Illusions and 
Effects. Also hints for the management of Amateur Dramatic Clubs, 
and a list of pieces suitable for Drawing Room Performances. Hand- 
somely illustrated with Colored Plates. 

PricCf 25 Cents, 



DE WITT'S SELECTIONS 

roR 

AHATEBR AND PARLOR THEATBICALS. 

Nos. 1, 2, 3 & 4. 

Being choice selections from the very best Dramas, Comedies and 
Farces. Specially adapted for presentation by Amateurs, and for 
Parlor and Drawing Room Entertainments. 

Each numbef'f 25 Cents. 

PANTOMIME PLAY , 

'^HUMPTY DUMPTY." 

The celebrated Pantomime, as originally played for 1,000 nights by the 
late George L. Fox. Arranged by John Denier, Ksq. Kight male, 
four female characters. 

Price, 25 Cents, 



